Hi this is my first time using this forum, I hope someone could provide a bit of feedback for my essay I wrote for my University of Toronto application.
What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
Your essay should not exceed 3000 characters (including spaces and punctuation).
In elementary years, my desire to "know how things worked" drove me to go beyond what was taught in school. It was also the cause of the mess of spare parts from toys and other electronics strewn across my room. One of my first endeavors was the disassembling of a blender I managed to loot from my mom's kitchen. As I disassembled and reassembled the contraption, I was entranced by the small gears and motors contained within and I was surprised by the intricacy contained in this seemingly simple object. It was at that time my inner engineer awoke and my thirst for more knowledge ignited a passion for engineering.
Transitioning to high school, I said farewell to proper sleep and entered the International Baccalaureate Program as I wished to pursue my interests in Math and Science and I yearned for a challenge. I immersed myself in the strenuous mathematics and science courses available with the ambition to hone and utilize my skills to the fullest. Armed with the knowledge I gained from class, I began to see the world through a different lens. Applications of the concepts I learned in physics, chemistry and math class were displayed before me, hidden in plain sight, disguised by the seamless passage of daily life. The realization that what lay beneath the cover of ordinary life was an intricate universe of engineering concepts solidified my will to further uncover that universe.
I sought out opportunities to further pursue my interest in engineering and attended the DEEP summer program from grades 8 to 11. During the program, I had to be resourceful and innovative to solve complex problems within teams; I had a taste of the challenges that are present in engineering in the real world. I also had the chance to experience a tidbit of university life at the University of Toronto. I got to speak face-to-face with undergraduate and graduate students in various fields of study. Without realizing, the charm of university life slowly captured me and I knew that I wanted to attend University of Toronto.
My final year of high school has finally dawned, and although I still retain the childish wonder and fascination around anything engineering, I now have a matured skill set that will help me realize my goals. The I.B. program has given me a solid academic foundation on which I can further build upon to reach my full potential. I believe that the University of Toronto has the best resources available for me to build upon my foundation; University of Toronto's rigorous mechanical engineering program will provide me the assets I need to become an engineer. I want to take advantage of the countless opportunities such as PEY available at University. I want to be involved in the university community and pursue my already existing passion for sports and music. I find that the University of Toronto is the best place for me to fulfill these wishes.
2877 characters
I would really appreciate feedback. Thanks for the help :)
What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
Your essay should not exceed 3000 characters (including spaces and punctuation).
In elementary years, my desire to "know how things worked" drove me to go beyond what was taught in school. It was also the cause of the mess of spare parts from toys and other electronics strewn across my room. One of my first endeavors was the disassembling of a blender I managed to loot from my mom's kitchen. As I disassembled and reassembled the contraption, I was entranced by the small gears and motors contained within and I was surprised by the intricacy contained in this seemingly simple object. It was at that time my inner engineer awoke and my thirst for more knowledge ignited a passion for engineering.
Transitioning to high school, I said farewell to proper sleep and entered the International Baccalaureate Program as I wished to pursue my interests in Math and Science and I yearned for a challenge. I immersed myself in the strenuous mathematics and science courses available with the ambition to hone and utilize my skills to the fullest. Armed with the knowledge I gained from class, I began to see the world through a different lens. Applications of the concepts I learned in physics, chemistry and math class were displayed before me, hidden in plain sight, disguised by the seamless passage of daily life. The realization that what lay beneath the cover of ordinary life was an intricate universe of engineering concepts solidified my will to further uncover that universe.
I sought out opportunities to further pursue my interest in engineering and attended the DEEP summer program from grades 8 to 11. During the program, I had to be resourceful and innovative to solve complex problems within teams; I had a taste of the challenges that are present in engineering in the real world. I also had the chance to experience a tidbit of university life at the University of Toronto. I got to speak face-to-face with undergraduate and graduate students in various fields of study. Without realizing, the charm of university life slowly captured me and I knew that I wanted to attend University of Toronto.
My final year of high school has finally dawned, and although I still retain the childish wonder and fascination around anything engineering, I now have a matured skill set that will help me realize my goals. The I.B. program has given me a solid academic foundation on which I can further build upon to reach my full potential. I believe that the University of Toronto has the best resources available for me to build upon my foundation; University of Toronto's rigorous mechanical engineering program will provide me the assets I need to become an engineer. I want to take advantage of the countless opportunities such as PEY available at University. I want to be involved in the university community and pursue my already existing passion for sports and music. I find that the University of Toronto is the best place for me to fulfill these wishes.
2877 characters
I would really appreciate feedback. Thanks for the help :)
