My interest for Chinese culture is developed since young; Appeal letter for NUS FASS

Hi all, please help to amend this letter. i find it problems but i dont know how to correct it.

quote from NUS:
Application for admission to NUS is based on academic merit and open competition among the applicant cohort. Academic results, subject prerequisites and a university score determine if an applicant will be selected for admission to a course.

This year, we received many applications from students who present exceptionally good grades. Due to keen competition, we regret that we are not able to offer you admission as you did not meet the criteria for the courses selected.

First, I would like to say thank you for looking through my appeal and reconsider for my admission, I understand that my academic results may be comparatively poor as compare to many candidates that applied Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences (FASS).

My interest for Chinese culture is developed since young as my hometown is a small melting pot in China. This has allowed me to understand more cultures since young. After I come to Singapore to further my study, I am able to learn more cultures. I believe that it is because of the nature that creates me which make me so fascinated about Asian cultures. However, if I am able to join NUS FASS, I believe that I can move further as the excellent learning environment in NUS. Also, NUS is the top university in Asian, Asian students have come together to join NUS family, hence, I believe with my good socialization skill, I will be able to socialize and learn more cultures from the students. I also believe that academic results is very much link to the interest involve and the ability to express self ideas. I have heard NUS has a well-rounded platform that allows students to express their ideas and own thoughts.

Once again, I hope you will reconsider and accept me into as a new student. I hope that past grades will not be the only indication of my future development.

Please reconsider.

First, I would like to say thank you for looking through my appeal and reconsidering for my admission

I understand that my academic results might be comparatively poor as compared to many candidates that applied Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences (FASS).

Hello there,

Above are my point of view. Another advice from me is that I guess you should tell them what is not in your application. That's all from me.

First, I wish to stress that I fully understand and respect your decision of rejecting my admission application. However, I write this appeal in hope that you would reconsider my application.

Here are some websites that may help you with writing your appeal:
collegeapps.about.com/od/theartofgettingaccepted/a/sample-appeal-letter.htm
schooladmissionappeals.co.uk/?p=199