Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve
I was never interested in college because I had no aim in life. Until, senior year in high school, I took a computer science class and I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I originally wanted to go University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Instead, I went to a community college for the past two years since money was tight. I was a little upset, but I still had hope. I believe I would turn this situation in to my advantage. At Durham technical community college, I have many good friends. I have learned from great professors. It is a great place to learn, but I think it is time to move on
I want to transfer to UNC because I will be given a chance to explore new and different things. I want the opportunity to enhance my knowledge and help me become more independent. By transferring, I will be one step closer to a stable future. A degree from a college or university will help me in the future.By going to a college where I did not belong, my passion for my major has increased.
I hope that by transferring I will be able explore my passion among people who have similar interests. In UNC, I will be able to grow as a person and dedicate to computer science. A degree from a college or a university in my family is a rare thing. I want to make my family proud, especially my parents.
Instead, I went to a community college for the past two years since money was tight.
It must be "since i was tight on money"
Rest I think its okay.
Thanks
Unfortunately, I must disagree with the above comment. I don't think "it's ok".
I apologize in advance if I seem too harsh.
First, the whole basis of your essay is very weak. I understand what you are trying to reach by telling us (the reader) about your goals and your past, but nothing good ever comes from you saying that you had "no aim in life". Remember, no matter how genuine you are trying to be here, the fact of the matter is, you are still trying to sell yourself. Make a connection instead to how your financial situation was tight.
Focus on the experiences had during your time in the computer science class. How did this class help you realize what you wish to do in life? Give me an anecdote or at least some sort of narrative. I find myself hard-pressed to believe that taking one class suddenly gave you a purpose in life. Prove me wrong. Show me what happened.
Your description of the community college is vague and uninteresting. I can't see how your friends make you a more attractive student to the college of your choice. Focus on what you've learned, and how you intend to apply it during your time at UNC. What did you learn from your professors? What values did you learn? If you must talk about your friends, talk about how you grew not only intellectually, but socially as well.
Lastly, I could replace 'UNC' with every other college in the world, and it would still make sense. Go onto their site and do research for a good hour or two. Find what's unique about UNC that appeals. Every person in the world wants to go to college "to be more stable in the future" and "learn more". What differentiates you from every other applicant out there? What do you find interesting about UNC that others may not? Remember, you are trying to find things about the college that will indirectly reveal something about you.
For example, Yale is famous for its residential system and its family-like environment. Talk about that and you suddenly seem like a very social individual. UChicago values the pursuit of knowledge and is famous for its "UnCommon App". Talk about that and you seem like an intellectual with a quirkiness to him. Get it?
You have more than 250 words to work with. I'd guess that 650 is the max. Use that whole 650. At the very least, use 500. Using exactly 250 makes you look bad, in my opinion, unless those 250 words are the greatest 250 words known to man. Flesh out your answer. Show me your personality.
Again, sorry if I sound harsh, but I think it's needed.
Best of luck,
FullofSeoul.
Another way of writing this essay, in order to place a positive spin on your community college experience would be to explain how you feel that community college was an excellent way for you to get an introduction to your chosen major. However, you now sense that the exposure the university can give you has reached its peak. You know that there is more to be learned regarding your major and that by moving to a regular university, you hope to gain the well rounded and thorough education in your chosen field. Explain that while the community college exposure helped lay your educational foundation, a 4 year college offers you advanced studies, experience, and a chance to move on to even bigger and better dreams and ambitions career -wise.
