Interested in NYU Global Public Health - Culture and Health!

Hi, everybody! Please help me with my NYU writing supplement :)

Thai mountain tribes health care

In junior year, I went on a medical service trip to Thailand. I had the opportunity to conduct basic health checkups on the Thai mountain tribes with other students. In one of the villages, we visited an elderly woman as nerve damage had left her bedridden. At her house, our guide explained how her family didn't believe in the use of Western medicine and technology to cure her condition, so they never intended to bring her to the hospital. Instead, they relied on traditional rituals to relieve her pain. It was clear to me that this approach wasn't making much progress and there was an urgent need for her to seek medical attention from a registered doctor. However, we needed to respect her family's decision because they believed their own customs were more effective.

This experience demonstrated how relevant culture is to our health as our values influence our health-related behaviors significantly. I believe we can eliminate the health disparities found in different communities by promoting cultural awareness within healthcare. With a better understanding of the cultural characteristics of a population, health officials can adjust public health to meet the needs of this group.

I chose NYU for its Global Public Health program because of the flexibility given to students in deciding what path they want to take with this major. I'm strongly interested in integrating either Anthropology or Social Work as these disciplines will fulfill my desire to learn more about culture and health. In addition, New York is my epitome of diversity as it acts as a landmark for cultures to converge altogether. If I were to be part of the NYU community, I have the chance to interact with individuals of distinct cultures on a daily basis. Although I'd be able to do the same in Hong Kong by simply reading about the traditions of other countries, having real human interaction is much more important because it exposes oneself to the raw, diverse perspectives of different nationalities. And, being able to witness this at firsthand in NYU, it prepares me to become successful in my future career goals.

Hi Dana, listen, I really like the supplemental paper that you wrote. It was informative and really portrayed your interest in public health matters. However, I am not sure about whether or not this will be relevant to the supplemental essay that you are writing for. As with all common app prompts, this should have come with a specific supplemental essay prompt. It sure looks like you forgot to include it when you posted the essay. That is where I have a problem. I can't review your essay properly for content or advise you regarding changes if I do not know what I am editing for. Do me a favor and post the actual prompt below my response to you. Then I'll get back to you with more relevant advice regarding the improvements that can be applied to your essay. Thanks.

Hi Holt, here is the prompt to NYU's writing supplement:

We would like to know more about your interest in NYU. We are particularly interested in knowing what motivated you to apply to NYU and more specifically, why you have applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program, and/or area of study? If you have applied to more than one, please tell us why you are interested in each of the campuses, schools, colleges, or programs to which you have applied. You may be focused or undecided, or simply open to the options within NYU's global network; regardless, we want to understand - Why NYU? (400 word maximum)

Thank you so much for your help!!

Dana, believe it or not, your final paragraph in the current essay is the best response that you can provide for the prompt. Since the prompt is very clear about focusing the response on just the NYU study experience, the anecdote that you shared within the first 2 paragraphs of the essay are not relevant. The only way you can use those paragraphs is if you can relate it to the NYU experience somehow. Right now, it is a stand alone story that does not really connect well with the prompt requirement. That is why I would rather that you just remove those 2 paragraphs from your response.

Even though there is a 400 word maximum, the goal should be to simply deliver the best answer using the least number of words in order to speed up the retention of the information in the reviewer's mind. So even though you will just be supplying a single paragraph essay, as long as it meets the minimum word count, your essay will be fine and the reviewer will remember your essay for being short and informative. There is a stronger tendency for the reviewer to forget what is memorable about your essay when it runs too long. If you keep it short and directly responsive, he will stand a better chance of recalling your essay when the time for consideration comes.

That said, if you wish to add a secondary paragraph, make sure that it flows properly and merges seamlessly with the information from the first paragraph. Otherwise, you are better off with just one paragraph that meets the minimum or higher than minimum word requirement. for the prompt response. I think, that if you want to share a second paragraph in the essay, then you should opt to discuss some of the extra curricular activities that are supported by the university, which can help you better develop your skills and personality traits while attending classes at NYU. Try not to mention the location of the university as one of the reasons you chose to attend there. That location response is just old and tired already. Think of something bigger and more impressive to present in the essay if you can.