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"international group of respected politicians" - the most appealing about Columbia?



HarvestBristle 6 / 11  
Oct 27, 2010   #1
I will be applying to Columbia Early Decision. I'm also planning on majoring in International Relations.

As a young adult seeking to bring about social change through government service, I feel that I need a dynamic college experience. By interacting with influential and knowledgeable people in Columbia's World Leader's Forum, I will have the rare opportunity of learning directly from an international group of respected politicians and social entrepreneurs, which will help develop my leadership abilities. With Columbia's great availability of study-abroad programs, many of which can be designed by undergrad students themselves, I hope to complement my studies of Latin American culture and government with first-hand research in Latin American countries. I also wish to continue my volunteerism upon entering college and will do so through Earl Hall's availability of local civic engagement projects. Since I'm a Hispanic student, I also find it important to have a community of fellow Latinos looking to showcase social and academic contributions made by Latin American and Iberian cultures, which is provided by The Hispanic Institute. I'm also interested in manifesting even my most obscure interests, such as poetry, meditation and photography, and, with the chance of creating my own student-run club at Columbia, I'm sure to be given this opportunity. However, what I find most appealing about Columbia is the wide array of thought-provoking courses led by world-renowned professors. I also very much look forward to taking classes in Columbia's renowned core-curriculum. Learning more about Columbia during my visit in October cemented my desire to attend your university and apply to your institution Early Decision.

bakamanju 3 / 12  
Oct 27, 2010   #2
You repeat "I also" quite often in your paragraph. Try a change of wording for that. I think this is a good essay overall because you emphasized your will and liking in the subject area of International Relations. Other than the repetition, no major errors can be seen from your sentence structure and grammar.

Best of luck! ^^
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 2, 2010   #3
As a young adult seeking to bring about social change through government service, I feel that I need a dynamic college experience. ----can you be more specific than 'dynamic?'

Oh... this gets very impressive in its specificity a little further on in the essay. I wish you would divide that large paragraph into two, though.

How about manifesting interests... if they had not manifested, you would not have them as interests. I think you can manifest experiences based on...
I'm also interested in manifesting experiences based on even my most obscure interests, such as poetry, meditation and photography, and...
About meditation, google this: Taoist meditation reverse breathing


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