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International trip alone?



colorfuloving 6 / 27  
Nov 2, 2009   #1
This past summer, I went to India all by myself (while still 16, yay for traveling minors).

I decided to respond to UC Prompt #2 with a narrative about my experiences on the trip:
"2.Tell us about a quality/accomplishment/experience that is important to you. What about this makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"

I feel like I'm sounding too contrived and... forced in this essay. any feedback would be great!
Main idea: how I value independence and my tolerance/appreciation of diversity+foreign cultures.

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I stepped into the LAX international terminal for what had to be at least the tenth time in my life, yet for once I was very anxious. I was only two hours away from taking my first international trip - flying solo. Thus far in life, I had always had my parents nagging me to look after the suitcases and hold on to my passport. The prospect of complete independence this time around was scary and exhilarating; I would be free to decide by myself when to sleep, what to eat, who to meet and how to get around. Looking around the airport, I relished idea of soon becoming one of those frenzied people vibrantly rushing about. Soon enough, I began what became the most exciting and eye-opening trip of my sixteen years. Along the course of two practically sleepless days, I displayed my confidence, independence and international awareness to the fullest.

The moment I settled into my seat, I couldn't hold back my anticipation. Rather than spending my ten-hour flight snoozing like my elderly neighbor, I wanted to take full advantage of the cultural diversity offered right on my personal seat screen. I spent the first few hours watching Korean movies, listening to my favorite Japanese pop artist, and loudly reciting words in Italian from the flight's language-learning program. Upon arriving in Singapore for a daylong stopover, I set out to make the most of every hour I had. When grabbing a breakfast of Indonesian coffee, I chatted with the shop owner about our unusual experiences with airport food. I signed myself up for a city tour and felt an extreme sense of accomplishment when showing my passport to the lady at the check-in counter. The entire day, I felt a sense of responsibility and worldliness that gave me a massive boost of energy. From my new South African and Australian friends, I picked up some very useful slang terms. In Little India, the wrinkled old woman in the chutney shop struck up a conversation with me in Hindi, so I obliged heartily with broken words. In a mere ten hours or so, I had made strong friendships, learned new languages, and managed to hold on to all my bearings. Finally, I could say that I had seen diversity and cultural chaos up close - and it was beautiful.

In a lot of ways, the trip was my personal precursor to college. I had never before felt so uninhibited, yet matured at the same time. In the next four years, I will have to be just as self-reliant as I was on my way to India. If I can ask for directions in a foreign country, I'll be able to handle getting to my first classes of the year. Spending a whole day in Singapore with people from all around the globe that I had just met prepared me for the diversity that is so integral in today's educational society. I had always expressed the desire to be independent and experience a convergence of different - and I was finally able to do so. Next year, when I go to college, my life is going to change drastically. I will have freedom, but serious responsibility along with it. But I feel ready to accept and take on that change with optimism and confidence in my ability to be self-reliant and understand different ideas, cultures, and people.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 4, 2009   #2
Awesome! I like how you connected it to college at the end, great ideas. I wonder if your intended major has something to do with cultural exploration. If so, write all about it in that conclusion! Less details about the trip and more about how it reflects the person you are developing into.

It does not sound contrived; it may feel that way because you had a state of mind that was not so rhythmic when you wrote it. As you read it over, if rhythmic sentences come to mind, type them. You might start to feel better about it if you write a particularly rhythmic, flowing paragraph full of imagery or reflection.


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