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Undergraduate   Posts: 3

Personal Essay introduction, how would you catch the readers attention?


tiff_007 4 / 7  
Feb 11, 2013   #1
How would you rephrase / edit this introduction to catch the readers attention? Its my personal essay for CommonApp and I'm trying to work on the first paragraph.. its giving me trouble. This is basically my introduction on what regret is ( the whole essay in my other thread if you want to check it out).I'd appreciate the help.

What is regret? Regret is a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. How does regret feel? The feeling of regretting something is a million times worse than regret's toughest definition. When we think of all the opportunities we've missed, that empty pit of your stomach feeling tends to be difficult to get rid of. I learned this the hard way, just like everyone else.

android21 10 / 57 20  
Feb 11, 2013   #2
Keep it...who told you to change it!
just take of "just like everyone else" you cant assume how everyone else felt. This is about YOU not about everyone else...

Oh, you say you "learned this the hard way," I ask, what is the easy way?

happy trails...
Iamblessed2006 1 / 2  
Feb 11, 2013   #3
I like the introduction of your essay. Also, you are never suppose to ask a question when giving a definition. Just write the definition. In all, your introduction is great.


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