Prompt: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why (1500 character limit).
The class sighed in relief as Mr. Thomas announced that we were watching a video today. The lights were turned off and Frontline: Commanding Heights turned on.
As some of my peers fell into a comfortable sleep, I watched intently as some of the world's most influential men and women weaved in and out of the video, reciting blurbs and tidbits of wisdom before their abrupt exit.
A man came on the video. As he proceeded to espouse Keynesian economics, bold white letters materialized in the corner of the screen: "Jeffrey D. Sachs, Harvard University."
I don't know what compelled me to Google Jeffrey Sachs, perhaps it was his likeness to Mr. Thomas, his adamant beliefs, the peculiar but captivating way he talked, or the seemingly endless fountain of knowledge and experience he possessed at such a young age. Whatever the reason, what I found was quite interesting. Jeffrey Sachs was the recipient of many accolades: from TIME's 100 most influential people to acting as economic advisor to multiple Latin American and European countries. And that Jeffrey Sachs had resigned from teaching economics at Harvard and moved on to be director of the Columbia University Earth Institute.
What I find most appealing about Columbia are its professors and ideologies. If Jeffrey Sachs is any indication of the type of professors I hope I find at Columbia, as I am sure he is, and if Columbia's ideologies align with Mr. Sach's ideas of humanitarianism, anti-poverty, sustainable development, smart economics, and global cooperation, as I am sure they are, then I am sincerely excited to call Columbia home.
I like it, very good in explaining "why columbia". But I am getting a little feeling that the reason that you are choosing columbia is solely due to the fact that Mr.Sach, who is affiliated with Columbia, possess certain qualities and ideologies that you wish to have in Columbia. Maybe choosing a school based on the ideology of one professor is a bit insufficient. Your essay can be greatly improved (in my opinion) by including a broader reasons why you enjoy columbia as a whole, not just one professor :)
i agree with the comment above. Its quite likely you will never even study under that professor!
Find some project that columbia is doing that you want to get involved in. It will vastly improve your essay.
But otherwise, i really like your essay. With just one or two changes, i think you have a fantastic essay here!
I enjoyed reading this; it shows insight and is quite original in a way to affiliate one professor to represent Columbia as a whole. However, I think that you may want to add some sort of disclaimer that although this professor might not teach you, the fact that Columbia has such individuals to teach reflects the type of academic environment it possesses as well as they type of person that you will develop into as a consequence of this environment.
Other than that, good job and good luck!
UPDATED VERSION
UPDATED VERSION
The class sighed in relief as Mr. Thomas announced that we were watching a video today. The lights were turned off and Frontline: Commanding Heights turned on.
As some of my peers fell into a comfortable sleep, I watched intently as some of the world's most influential men and women weaved in and out of the video, reciting blurbs and tidbits of wisdom before their abrupt exit.
A man came on the video. As he proceeded to espouse Keynesian economics, bold white letters materialized in the corner of the screen: "Jeffrey D. Sachs, Harvard University."
I don't know what compelled me to Google Jeffrey Sachs, perhaps it was his adamant beliefs, the peculiar but captivating way he talked, or the seemingly endless fountain of knowledge and experience he possessed at such a young age. Jeffrey Sachs was the recipient of many accolades: from TIME's 100 most influential people to acting as economic advisor to Latin American and European countries. And that Jeffrey Sachs had resigned from teaching economics at Harvard and moved on to be director of the Columbia University Earth Institute.
In a way, Mr. Sachs embodies Columbia's CORE curriculum. He didn't move on to Columbia to continue teaching economics; instead, he branched out and furthered his other interests and became Professors of both Sustainable Development and Health Policy and Management. Like Mr. Sachs, I am interested in economics but also want to discover and cultivate other areas of my interest. I believe I can do this at Columbia.
Through Columbia's CORE curriculum, I hope to perhaps one day be one of Mr. Sachs' students. If not, however, there isn't a doubt in my mind that Columbia can afford me many more "Mr. Sachs's."
...watching a video today . The lights were turned off and Frontline: Commanding Heights turned on.---The word today is not quite right, grammatically, so it is better to get rid of it.
As some of my peers fell into a comfortable sleep, I watched intently as some of the world's most influential women and men weaved ...----Let's reverse the order to make up for centuries of putting men first.
When I get to, "move on to be director of..." it makes me stop paying attention. I think that part of the essay has to be replaced with a sentence that tells the reader about the story and its theme. People love stories, and this part of the essay is like a story. Just use the opportunity at the end of that paragraph to express to the reader that the story of your experience with Sachs' work shows XXXXXX.
XXXXX= the main idea of the whole essay.
:-)
