'joining the band as a percussionist' - it is how I solved my conflict

Essay B (Required)
Describe a circumstance, obstacle or conflict in your life, and the skills and resources you used to resolve it. Did it change you? If so, how?

Throughout my life as a highschool student, I had always dealt with the problem of determining where I fit in with my peers. I felt as if I needed a place within school where I would feel like I belonged. During the fall semester of my junior year, I discovered the place that could solve my conflict: band. Overall, joining the band as a percussionist changed the way I viewed the outcome of my future and introduced me to some of the greatest friendships I have yet to experience.

I had always been very interested in playing percussive instruments and many people, including myself, would consider music my forte. Immediately after joining the band my skills began to improve rapidly and the majority of my time was spent doing activities related to the drumline. Without a doubt, my newly regenerated interest in music was the sole reason why I began to feel more involved and gained an abundance of new friends. My mind was instantly opened up to new opportunities and ideas of how I wanted to pursue my future.

Looking back at my life, it is very obvious how joining band changed me. Before becoming a member of the group I had little to no friends which I spent time with, and the majority of my life was me isolating myself from other people. To me, the most important thing about my experience is how it changed my view on the future. I always limited myself to a small number of career options, but afterwards I was able to break my fixed mindset and expand my thoughts on what choice I wanted to make. Joining this group of people resolved my conflict of feeling isolated and uninvolved.

I really need help on composing a conclusion and I also just need general help on fixing the essay itself. PLEASE HELP!!

Hi, notblake. I'm going to rearrange things a little to improve your essay:

Throughout my life as a highschool student, I had always dealt with the problem of determining where Inever felt like I fit in with my peers. I had little to nofew friends, which I spent time with, and the majority of my life was meisolatedisolating myself from other people(moved.)I always limited myself to a small number of career options(moved)(I think you need to expand on how you limited your career options. What do you mean by that?) .

During the fall semester of my junior year, I discovered the place that could solve myfound a solution to my problem:conflict: band. Overall, joiningThat semester, I joined the band as a percussionist, a decision that ultimately helped change the way I viewed myself, introduced me to new friends, and opened up a new avenue for a future career.the band as a percussionist changed the way I viewed the outcome of my future and introduced me to some of the greatest friendships I have yet to experience.

Immediately after joining the band, my social skills improved rapidly(moved).Here, I think you should go into detail about how your self-confidence blossomed as you became an accomplished percussionist, and how that helped you get over your shyness and meet new friends. Then, you can bring up the career path that this new interest paved for you (as a music teacher, a performer, a band leader?)

Your conclusion could be something like this:From time to time, I think back on those long band practice sessions and realize that the effort was more than worth it: it changed everything for me.

I hope this has helped you!