Jumping into the public school environment, a significant challenge

It was late in the summer of 2006; Williston High School was looming forebodingly in front of me. For many students, it was the first day of high school. For me, it was my first experience in a public school. Perhaps it was my anxiety getting the better of me, but I could have thought of a million other places I would have rather been.

Having studied at home for the first nine years of my education, I felt inadequately prepared socially to face the horde of students bustling to and fro in the crowded hallways and shoving to get up the narrow stairs. Frankly, it was an environment that I was greatly intimidated by. But it was too late to turn back; my ride was gone.

Jumping into the public school environment raised the challenge of meeting the expectations and deadlines of the individual teachers; previously, I had been on my own timetable. Learning to establish a relationship with my teachers made the transition much easier academically. Finding my place socially, however, was the greatest challenge of all. Not everyone in high school was there to learn, and it became clear that a student pursuing academics did not necessarily fit in with the majority. To achieve my academic goals, I had to learn find a balance between my social and educational life.

After a couple of months, I felt more comfortable with the high school experience. This helped me to adapt to the challenges that have since come.

Any suggestions or corrections would be much appreciated, thank you.

Hi Macy,

Your essay was refreshing. Although you could possibly go into further detail about your exeriences.

As far as grammar is concerned you had a few minor mistakes.
...the horde of students bustling to and fro in the crowded hallways...

Instead of using "to and fro" try using "back and forth"

Frankly, it was an environment that I was greatly intimidated by. But it was too late to turn back; my ride was gone.

For a livelier and more persuasive sentence, consider rewriting you sentence using and active verb( the subject preforms the action, as in "The ball hit micheal")rather than a passive verb(the subject recieves the action, as in "Micheal was hit by the ball"). If you rewrite with an active verb, consider what the appropriate subject is - "they," "we," or a more specific noun or pronoun.

Although sentences beginning with "and," "but," "or," or "plus" maybe used informally, you should consider using the replacement for a more formal or traditional tone.

But it was to late to turn back; my ride was gone.
Try "However," or "Nevertheless"