My Karate dojo - my response to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation (UBC)

This is one of the essay for UBC Sauder Application. It is currently at 1600 characters so I am going to shrink it after editing. Thank you in advance.

Last summer, one of the main instructors at my Karate dojo was severely injured and had to undergo back surgery. As a result, the club needed a responsible black belt who could lead classes during the instructor's absence. The chief instructor asked me if I could lead the adult class as a designated instructor, so, I agreed to take on the responsibility.

At first, it was challenging to manage a class independently. I was tasked to teach students of all belt levels, including those older than me which I found intimidating.

Recognizing that many students in the adult class were competitive athletes aiming for tournament success, I started a specialized athlete class focusing on competitions by improving students' athletic abilities and body coordination. I innovated a creative training format(program, session) that integrates karate training and "HIIT workout". Furthermore, instead of simply giving instructions, I decided to participate and lead the class by demonstrating techniques and working together. This approach allowed me to engage with students more closely, and inspire students as a mentor. (leading instructor)

As a result, many of my students excelled at the "Canada Open 2024 Karate Championships". I received positive feedback from students, and the chief instructor highly appreciated the class.
This experience not only enhanced my teaching skills through innovative planning but also helped me realize that leadership is not all about verbally guiding others. Leadership can be presented by becoming an inspirational role model to demonstrate attitudes and behaviors that others aspire to emulate.

What is the relevance of this parenthesis covered phrase?


The reader may not be familiar with this acronym, spell it out please. Use the full reference term.

The essay needs to tell your back story in order to become more effective for the purpose that you are aiming to use it for. What was your position at the dojo? Why were you the one chosen to lead the class? How did the class respond to you first? Why were you driven to improve your skills even as you already held the blackbelt at the time and had experience teaching martial arts? For the latter part of this essay to have more meaning, it needs to sell your previous or foundational information to the reader first.

@Holt
Thank you so much for the response. I forgot to remove the parenthesis. Im sorry for the confusion.
I edited the beginning part of the essay. Although I don't think I fully answered your comments mainly because I'm having difficulty removing some parts to shorten the essay. Could you please give me some advise?

Last summer, one of the main instructors at my Karate dojo was injured and had to undergo back surgery. As a result, the club needed a responsible black belt who could lead classes during the instructor's absence. As a 2nd-degree black belt and dedicated club member, I felt a strong sense of duty to replace the instructor's role to ensure the continuity of the class, thus, I stood up as a candidate.

At first, it was challenging to manage a class independently. I was tasked to teach students of all belt levels, including those older than me, which I found intimidating. Some students were confused about having a different instructor.

Recognizing that many students in the adult class were competitive athletes aiming for tournament success, I started a special class focusing on competitions by improving students' athletic abilities. I innovated a creative training program that integrates karate training and "high-intensity interval training". Furthermore, instead of simply giving instructions, I participated and led the class by demonstrating techniques and working together. This approach allowed me to engage with students more closely, and inspire students as a mentor.

As a result, many of my students excelled at the "Canada Open Championships 2024". I received positive feedback from students, and the chief instructor highly appreciated the class.
This experience not only enhanced my teaching skills through innovative planning but also helped me realize that leadership is not all about verbally guiding others. Leadership can be demonstrated by becoming an inspirational role model to demonstrate attitudes and behaviors that others aspire to emulate.