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"I want to kill myself" - Brown PLME Supplemental Essay #2

Chizam101 1 / -  
Dec 28, 2020   #1
I haven't gotten much feedback on this essay, so I'm not sure how well I answered the prompt. All feedback is appreciated!

Most people describe a career as a physician/doctor as a "profession", beyond a job.

Describe for us what "professionalism" and "the profession of a physician/doctor" mean to you. (250 words)

"I want to kill myself." The sweaty, young man had just rushed in through the entrance of the hospital where I was volunteering. Visibly distraught, he stood before me at the front desk stammering out the same phrase. Quickly overcoming my shock, I carefully asked him what was wrong while dialing the telephone operator. To my surprise, the operator came down to the lobby and spoke to the man for several minutes. She calmed him down while surreptitiously signaling for me to call for more assistance. Soon, help came and the man was taken to the Emergency Department.

I was very impressed by the operator's quick thinking and compassion. Despite the fact that she was not a health care provider, she had provided empathy and concern in a fraught situation. While volunteering at the hospital, I witnessed many similar examples amongst the medical and non-medical staff, and these demonstrated what professionalism is.

Professionalism goes beyond simply fulfilling the tasks that a job requires; one must be conscientious and honorable. I am drawn to health care precisely because of the impact professionalism has on all those involved in this field. A doctor's primary concern is the health and well-being of patients who are often at their most vulnerable. Their conduct must demonstrate that the patient's trust is not misplaced.

I believe that professionalism is the heart of what it is to be a doctor and governs every facet of their life. Being a physician is a privilege that involves discipline, dedication, and compassion.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,124 3267  
Dec 29, 2020   #2
Okay, the essay effectively portrays the meaning of professionalism, based on your understanding as per a particular situation you were faced with. This is a good response. However, you failed to describe what the profession of a doctor means to you. You kept on repeating the fact the person who taught you the meaning of professionalism through action was not a doctor, so that negates it application as a part of the explanation for the profession of a physician or doctor. You totally skipped out on that discussion in the essay. Healthcare is a reference that covers many fields, it does not necessarily refer to a physician's job. You better revise the essay to reflect the last part of the requirement. You can use the "I want to kill myself" part as it makes for an interesting hook. However, the lack of response relevance is what will totally ruin an otherwise interesting opening statement in the presentation.The physician discussion must be as well developed as the "professionalism" discussion. Balance the presentation. Try to Stay within 125 words for each topic so that you will have an even presentation of both in the essay.
Politics 786 - / 1  
Dec 30, 2020   #3
Yeah, I agree. you need to reflect more on yourself than focusing on others. In addition, make your introduction shorter. Your introduction paragraph is the longest paragraph in the essay which doesn't look good.

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