"Patients numbered 201,202, and 202 please follow me to the laboratory for blood testing."
As soon as the last patient walked out of the lab's doors, I was excited to know that my second day at work, as a volunteer coordinator has been completed in an outstanding(perhaps change this to a more modest word) way. Rewarding myself a bottle of cool water for that accomplishment in that charity campaign with the Operation Smile Organization, I felt very happy and proud that I had been able to work with them, bringing "the smiles" to unfortunate children, who had not had chances to grow up as normal children did. Seeing these children's smiles and their parents' tears of happiness, all of the exhaustions in me(my exhaustion)seemed to be disappeared; yet, there was a warm feeling in my heart that healed up the injuries(what injury?) that I got while doing my jobs. Keeping in mind that there were more people and children who needed my help, I went home, took a rest, and got ready for the next day of work because I knew that the day after was going to be tough.
Your essay is interesting enough to hold me, but I think perhaps you should change the concluding sentence. Because you should lead the audience to the last insight of your special characteristic (patient, willing to sacrifice)instead of the "tough tomorrow".
Hope this may help~Good luck!
Please help check my essay if you don't mind :)
