"we at least share a commitment to academic excellence" Dear Roomate- Stanford

Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate- and us- get to know you better.250 words: Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate- and us- get to know you better.

Dear Future Roommate,
While you were most likely informed that you would be rooming with someone by the name of "Elizabeth Gomez" I am here to tell you that you will in fact be rooming with "Danielle Gomez". While each of these names do belong to the same person, they represent two very different aspects of myself.

Elizabeth is the name I was born with, although my parents' intention was never to call me by it- as two 17-year-olds, they thought Elizabeth Danielle was more pleasant than Danielle Elizabeth. Instead I would spend every August explaining to my teachers that, "Yes, I am Elizabeth; but no, I won't respond to that name. I go by my middle name, Danielle instead."

I consider Elizabeth to be my academic personality, the one that is driven, determined, and disciplined. Danielle is more representative of who I am on a personal level: energetic, empathetic, and entertaining.

While organized when it comes to school, you can expect books, CDs, and DVDs to be all around, often unable to be located by anyone but myself. I tend to be grumpy in the mornings, but no worries, I'm taking mostly afternoon classes. While I may seem odd at first because of my quirky habits and funny way of speaking, I'll grow on you like ( ) .

I know we at least share a commitment to academic excellence, but my hope is that you get to know me as Danielle rather than just Elizabeth.

Your new roommate,
Danielle

Gomez [;] but no, I won't respond to that name.

people generally tend to like me. [this seems a little to general. I would elaborate more]

It's pretty unique, but I wouldn't say "that got me into stanford."

it's not just your academic personality that gets you into stanford, they evaluate you as a person. also, it risks sounding conceited. just don't say it at all.

Also, I'm curious why your parents decided to give you two names. Could you mention that?

what if you have to take a morning class in order to graduate on time? it could come up.

Someone can read this and think that your obsessed with names and that your a grumpy girl with a dirty room

Still trying to complete my simile to be more descriptive. Thanks for the feedback!

Kevin stands up and cheers, startling his laptop and almost giving it a heart attack.

This is great writing. You succeeded, and the reason I know you succeeded was because you wrote something that is truly enjoyable to read, which is so uncommon with this kind of essay. Awesome...

For the simile, you have to connect it to something from previous in the essay! I mean, you have to use a nount (grow on you like XXXXX) something you already mentioned in the essay. Don't forget, you can use an alternative to "grow on you" if necessary.

:-)