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Lehigh supplement essay about community and equity

guga23 1 / -  
Dec 18, 2009   #1
All of us share something with others, though sometimes what we share cannot be easily observed. Sometimes when we say ‘I’, in the depth of our heart we truly mean ‘WE’, because we are parts of one whole communal organism. For example, when I say that I am Eastern Orthodox, I am sure that there are many other people who have the same religion and with whom I can make up a community. But many times, when I impose the ideology of Eastern Orthodox on the behavior and philosophy of an individual, I am asserting what we as all peoples of Eastern Orthodox would believe. This does not mean that a particular community, such as the Eastern Orthodox community, lacks individuality, but that the community is rather a big mirror where everyone’s reflection can be found. These various reflections collectively form the image of an entire community.

However, the image will not be appealing without symmetry. In community, we might call this symmetry ‘equity.’ Equity is the key to a successful and thriving community. It prohibits the exploitation of others and ensures that progress is made at the expense of none. It means that everyone is provided with equal opportunities and facilities. Of course not everyone will be able to reach the highest peaks in life, but the feeling that one was part of an equitable community will suppress within him any insurgent resentment. In this way we will achieve a community with minimal conflict.

Any suggestions?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 21, 2009   #2
This is great writing. Is it okay to add more words to this, or are you at the maximum allowable word count? If you can write more, I suggest using your excellent writing skill to add a paragraph before the first paragraph. Give an intro that is about community and equity. If you start with the sentence about sharing something, it might confuse the reader, because sharing something is not what the essay is about. However, that 1st para will make a GREAT body paragraph, and you write so well that I am sure you can come up with a powerful intro paragraph.

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