Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Would someone tell me if my paragraphs flow fluently and my ideas stay consistently? This is my third revision. My counselor told me that my ideas switch from one to another and lack of main point.
I will appreciate any advice!!!
I come from Taiwan, a democratic country that offers 9 years' of free education to develop each individual so that students can meet academic objectives. Therefore, this social anticipation produces a highly competitive educational environment. Students usually have overloaded examinations with high pressure. Under this circumstance from where I grew up, students are expected to spend seven days a week on studying without free weekends. All I concerned was pursuing high scores and defeating students around me. Nevertheless, certain profound incidents gradually challenged my philosophy.
My sister was one of the victims under the stressful tradition on evaluating one's intellectual capacity in Taiwan. She has greatly suffered from the symptoms of melancholic because of her continued failure in studying. Though she consistently put effort on studying, the result did not come out as fulfilling. The sorrow in me as a witness of a mental patient led me to doubt such a competitive but restricted environment. Hence, learning from past experience, my parents sent me to the United States to acquire a different meaning of education.
Moreover, the second host family I have stayed with since I came to United States marked another "watershed" in my life. The person whom I live with is an African American woman, who was involved in the Civil Rights Movement in 1960s particularly for African American's equality under the leadership of Martin Luther King. From learning a distinct aspect of viewing the egalitarian America, I reconsidered what equality truly meant- each individual feels respected. The first-hand experience my host mother shared with me provided me an enthusiasm to convey humanity instead of simply pulling others down and seeking my own benefit.
I had never stepped out of my limited learning atmosphere until I came to the United States, a country where students are trained to express their thoughts directly in class, be involved in with team work, and take part in extracurricular activities. Since I came to America in August, 2009, my experience has changed me from a naïve girl who used to dream about getting personal benefits to the one who dwells on making some impact on others. The transformation of my worlds has taught me a significant lesson－studying is not just about proving how intelligent a person is but inspiring one to contribute positively to the society. Therefore, I expected myself to have not only accountability but also consistency toward morality and humanity.
Word Count: 402
Would someone tell me if my paragraphs flow fluently and my ideas stay consistently? This is my third revision. My counselor told me that my ideas switch from one to another and lack of main point.
I will appreciate any advice!!!
I come from Taiwan, a democratic country that offers 9 years' of free education to develop each individual so that students can meet academic objectives. Therefore, this social anticipation produces a highly competitive educational environment. Students usually have overloaded examinations with high pressure. Under this circumstance from where I grew up, students are expected to spend seven days a week on studying without free weekends. All I concerned was pursuing high scores and defeating students around me. Nevertheless, certain profound incidents gradually challenged my philosophy.
My sister was one of the victims under the stressful tradition on evaluating one's intellectual capacity in Taiwan. She has greatly suffered from the symptoms of melancholic because of her continued failure in studying. Though she consistently put effort on studying, the result did not come out as fulfilling. The sorrow in me as a witness of a mental patient led me to doubt such a competitive but restricted environment. Hence, learning from past experience, my parents sent me to the United States to acquire a different meaning of education.
Moreover, the second host family I have stayed with since I came to United States marked another "watershed" in my life. The person whom I live with is an African American woman, who was involved in the Civil Rights Movement in 1960s particularly for African American's equality under the leadership of Martin Luther King. From learning a distinct aspect of viewing the egalitarian America, I reconsidered what equality truly meant- each individual feels respected. The first-hand experience my host mother shared with me provided me an enthusiasm to convey humanity instead of simply pulling others down and seeking my own benefit.
I had never stepped out of my limited learning atmosphere until I came to the United States, a country where students are trained to express their thoughts directly in class, be involved in with team work, and take part in extracurricular activities. Since I came to America in August, 2009, my experience has changed me from a naïve girl who used to dream about getting personal benefits to the one who dwells on making some impact on others. The transformation of my worlds has taught me a significant lesson－studying is not just about proving how intelligent a person is but inspiring one to contribute positively to the society. Therefore, I expected myself to have not only accountability but also consistency toward morality and humanity.
Word Count: 402