IM LETTING MY LIFE SPEAK...but its not coming out right. (TUFTS!)

"What is my name, Sheri? Do you remember me? I'm your Aunty." she said shouting over the pounding beat of the West African music. There were two things keeping me from responding. First, with my cheeks stretched between the loving clasp of her fingers, I could not talk. Second, even if I could talk, I was certain I had never seen this lady before.

This problem had occurred at every crowded, headdress-filled Sierra Leonean party that I could remember. Not a week went by when there were no baby showers, engagement parties or weddings in the family. This "family" that I refer to wasn't just the people living in my house-- my mom, dad, brother and grandma, nor was it extended family. It was every Sierra Leonean in the Greater houston area. Although I had not met them all, I was taught to call them Aunty, Uncle, and Cousin. Although

This culture has been inescapable,extensive and securing. It is a culture of constrained togetherness. Everyone is family. Indeed when my old Grandma fell and broke her hip, it was these people whom we had stood in lines with for food at parties and danced to Soukous music with that came to help, introducing themselves for the first time when they brought Granny flowers. Living as a member of the Sierra Leonean 'family 'has taught me that community is essential for happiness and fulfillment. For this sense of genuine brotherhood and utilitarianism, I am thankful to be a apart of a family as big as a city.

WHAT SHOULD I CHANGE? HOW CAN I MAKE IT MORE PERSONAL? ANY ADVICE?

It is very personal and realistic. But what about the last sentence of the second paragraph? It seems to be incomplete. I reckon u say something more about how this culture has affected u. U have said about it but only in the last 2 sentences.

Hope it helps. Thanx.

That's cute...

This culture has been inescapable,extensive and securing. -------- these need explanations. As it is now, the reader must guess what they mean. It will be good if you take time in this sentence to explain each: inescapable in the sense that ________, extensive in the sense that ______, and secure in the sense that ___________.

It is a culture of constrained togetherness. ---- another great sentence!!! awesome...