Unanswered [19] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

"A level-headed individual" - UF Admission Essay.


Alishalagana 1 / 1  
Aug 10, 2009   #1
Your essay is a very important part of your application. What you provide helps the university know you as an individual, independent of grades, test scores and other objective data.

Please submit one essay. Remember to keep within the 500-word maximum length. (The counter on the page counts down from the 3885-CHARACTER limit, which is approx. 450 words with room for spacing between paragraphs.)


Essay Topic
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

MY ESSAY:(((( 497 Words))))

Who I am has been shaped by my family, my experiences, and my academic environment. At the age of nine my parents divorced, leaving my mother to fend for the both of us with little outside help. At the time, my three elder brothers were active participants in the JROTC program, and I remember clearly watching them march in parades, and perform in drill competitions, fantasizing of the day I would be able to follow in their footsteps. I was age ten when reality sent me on a ride as my eldest brother, Anthony, joined the Marine Corps.

Upon completing military training, Anthony was deployed to the war in Iraq. I wept. I wondered if I was going to ever again be able to jump into his arms, or sit with him and sing jovial songs from musicals. My fears subsided when after three months of hardship, he returned home safely. My nightmares recurred a short year later when my brother, Jason, joined the Army Reserves, and was deployed to the dangerous combat zone in Tikrit. Delightfully, fourteen months later he arrived home unharmed. Jason's return coincided with my entry into high school.

Soon enough, I was able to fulfill my dream of being in the Army JROTC Program at Forest High School learning leadership, and citizenship skills from my three Army Instructors. This program has given me responsibilities that I would have never faced this early in life, and it has pushed me to my limits, and then some. My ascension in ranks was expedient, from a Private to a Captain in three years. I've been the Adjutant, and I've earned prestigious awards such as Superior Cadet. With high school, I performed community service, from Color Guards with the JROTC, to the blood drives. In this honor unit, I am involved in every extracurricular it has: Raiders, Drill, Color Guard, and Exhibition.

The three instructors, and my mother, are what pushed me to excel, because they never gave up on me. With SFC Negron's reproof, SFC Tidwell's innate humor, LTC Marksberry's furtive observation, and my eccentric mother's unconditional love, I drive to achieve greatness. Their guidance illuminated a path that I could follow for aeons, with checkpoints such as, leadership, communication skills, teamwork, and discipline. When I came into their reputable program, my mind was opaque, but these veterans nudged me in the right direction.

Throughout my life, I have become a gregarious, level-headed individual who strives to get what she wants. With community service, school projects, and other helpings, I bestow a welcoming hand to my society, and I intend to do the same for the University of Florida. I will give my academics, and school life everything I have to offer, and the way I view my comrades as equals and respect them make me a matchless choice. It's not always about the hardships you've faced, it's how you've grown from them.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 10, 2009   #2
Who I am has been shaped by my family, my experiences, and my academic environment .
This is true for everybody.

At the age of nine my parents divorced, leaving my mother to fend for the both of us with little outside help.
Your parents divorced when they were nine?

At the age ofWhen I was nine, my parents divorced, leaving my mother to fend for the both of us with little outside help.

At the time, my three elder brothers were active participants in the JROTC program,
Didn't your mother have to fend for them too?

and I clearly remember watching them march in parades and perform in drill competitions, fantasizing of the day I would be able to follow in their footsteps.

Note omitted comma after parades.

Throughout my lifesuch experiences , I have become a gregarious, level-headed individual who strives to get what she wants.
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 10, 2009   #3
I feel that this essay is very clear (though not void of grammatical errors).
However, I do not think that you answered this part of the prompt well: "affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community."
OP Alishalagana 1 / 1  
Aug 10, 2009   #4
Thank you. =] And no, my mother didn't. By that time, tony was 18 and he moved out. he went to georgia and my two other brothers moved in with him, tony taking custody. my mom allowed it because she saw tony as very responsible and she knew that he would be able to show them more than she could because she had to care for me.


Home / Undergraduate / "A level-headed individual" - UF Admission Essay.