CALTECH: How does scientific exploration excite and inspire you? In a page, more or less, what is it about math, science or engineering that compels you to satisfy your intellectual curiosity?
CORNELL: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the college of arts and sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
"This one moment in fourth grade stuck with me for years, and is still as clear as if it were yesterday. It was not a moment of shock nor a dramatic change in my life, but a simple photograph of the past, which I carry in my memory as a reminder of a developing passion and curiosity of my childhood.
Our classroom was small but wondrous. I always remembered seeing, upon entering, the opposite wall covered in posters of multiplication, dinosaurs, and quotes about succeeding. This windowless classroom was our safe-haven, our headquarters, and our comfort-zone. We spent every day crawling in the maze of desk-legs or making fun of the girls' imaginary friends by the radiator thing in the corner of the room, with an occasional ten-minute lesson on addition or discussion of the longest words in the English dictionary.
In this specific memory I was writing in my green composition notebook, away from the other kids. Our teacher had asked us to multiply each number up to the number 5 with the numbers 1-10. She mentioned that any more would be counted as extra credit. Motivated by the extra credit, I kept going, and until the year, I was driven by the pure joy filling my notebook with multiples of pretty much every number. I cannot remember how much extra credit I got, maybe because that was no longer important to me.
I had discovered that math is a chain of little accomplishments-getting 2+2, finding x, proving that sin(2) = 2sin()cos(), solving the derivative of xex, and computing the volume of a parabolic cross-section using multiple integrals-and these accomplishments have carried me to higher and grander planes in mathematics over the years, where I gradually saw more of its relevance in the real world.
There will always be more levels to reach, more tools to sharpen. I believe that a physics major will direct me to a career where my knowledge can be applied and expanded. But I also cannot help the urge to continue writing in my green composition notebook."
I love critique-- the more blunt and inmyface the better!! :))) so be as honest and cruel as you want. THANKYOU!!
I didn't like the beginning .. its style is not catchy
I totally like the conclusion. I feel it and the evolution of learning mathematics is good.
However, you didn't focus more on your major choice, the main theme
Good luck
loving the straighforwardness, thankyou!!!!
As already mentioned, you should add something that is related to physics.
I personally felt that the beginning was well written, however it does not lead to your conclusion.
Be concise. The story with the greenbook is really interesting, but you should arrive at the end of this story way earlier,
so you can demonstrate how logical thinking brought you to physics.
The way you use "the relevance of mathematics" only distracts.
Another possible fix is to just want to major in mathematics.
Finally I don't feel you have answered the second part of the cornell prompt sufficiently.
So, you can write stilistically very well, but you should maybe plan this essay more with the prompt in mind.
If you still have time, I would be honored if you reviewed my essays.
Thank you!!! great advice thanks!
Edited version:
"This moment in fourth grade stuck with me for years, and is still as clear as if it were yesterday. It was not a moment of shock nor a dramatic change in my life, but a simple photograph of the past, which I carry in my memory as a reminder of a developing passion and curiosity of my childhood.
Our classroom was small and simple but always exciting. I remember seeing, upon entering, the opposite wall covered in posters of multiplication, dinosaurs, and quotes about succeeding. This was our safe-haven, our headquarters, and our comfort-zone.
In this specific memory I was writing in my green composition notebook, away from the other kids. Our teacher had asked us to multiply each number up to the number 5 with the numbers 1-10. She mentioned that any more would be counted as extra credit. Motivated by the extra credit, I kept going, and by the end of the year I was driven by the pure joy of filling my notebook with multiples of pretty much every number. I cannot remember how much extra credit I got, maybe because that was no longer important to me.
I had discovered that math is a chain of little accomplishments-getting 2+2, finding x, proving that sin(2x) = 2sin(x)cos(x), solving the derivative of xex, and computing the volume of a parabolic cross-section using multiple integrals-and these accomplishments have carried me to higher and grander planes of mathematics over the years.
Caltech offers one of the widest arrays of mathematics opportunities I have seen in my entire college search. A close friend of mine, with a similar intrigue for and pursuit of mathematics, described the opportunities and resources in the rigorous academic program at Caltech, and witnessed the individual one-on-one care between the students and teachers, as well as the intense passions nourished with these interactions.
There will always be more levels to reach, more tools to sharpen. I believe that a major in mathematics and physics will direct me to a career where my knowledge can be both applied and expanded. But I also cannot help the urge to continue writing in my green composition notebook."
