Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

Life is full of ups and downs; issues of personal, local, international concern


eng_geek 4 / 6 1  
Dec 8, 2012   #1
Discuss some issues of personal, local, national or international concern and its importance to you.
Life is full of ups and downs, whether it is for a king or for a pauper. We often think that our problems and our concerns are the be all, however it is not the case. Public by large has the ability to make or mar a decision but is the public say always correct. It has been seen on a day to day basis how the roadside vendors face the susceptibility and miserable situations. Almost all of us have seen how these people are humiliated and looked down upon. We fight for a rupee with them and do not just halt there we further go on and sometimes even abuse these people. It is not just the common men who ignore these people rather it is the government at large.

It has been often noticed that these people are mistreated by the government in terms of being given the proper facilities in terms of housing, clothing and shelter. As most of these people are from hand to mouth they have to suffer due to the irregularity of the wages and moreover with the amount they have to pay the amount to the police constables and middle men. As a consequence of it they are unable to meet out the daily requirements of their families like proper fooding, clothing and even the basic education is not being provided to them. Furthermore, it encourages the problem of child labour in the society, forcing the children to work at a tender age.

It is not just what people say and write I completely stand with such curses in society as I have personally seen and experienced such things in a slum near my house. It was for a school project that I had been there and interacted with them and to my shock young children of my age live in pathetic conditions and are deprived of even the basic necessities. It was not just this I was disheartened and completely moved when I saw young kids helping their parents with the stalls. It was really painful to see young kids working instead of celebrating the festival by lighting candles and eating sweets. As it was a combined project with the aid and suggestions of my group they agreed to form cooperative group and work together and now the women make the handicrafts and the men put up stall in different areas throughout the year and the other work as salesmen and go around the city selling products. The best thing is that the money that earn collectively, 70% of the share is divided equally among all the families, 25% goes for buying the raw materials and 5% is saved for bad times with a trusted member of the group.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 8, 2012   #2
We often think that our problems and our concerns are the be all, however it is not the case.

I suggest you to re-phrase this one... It doesn't come right : (

Public by large has the ability to make or mar a decision but is the public say always correct.

This is again very confusing... what do you try to mean?

I guess that this one is on off-track... What you need to write about is;

Discuss some issues of personal, local, national or international concern and its importance to you.

you have to pick up an issue that has some importance to you, not a general issue....
You need to show how it's affecting you as a person!
OP eng_geek 4 / 6 1  
Dec 8, 2012   #3
It would be great if gave me an idea for rephrasing the things. You would have noticed my horrendous writing skill. so it would be great if u helped me out in this essay stuff.
Didgeridoo - / 306 191  
Dec 8, 2012   #4
Ways you could improve this:

1. Take out the whole beginning until the part below. It is vague and doesn't do anything for your essay.

2.

It has been seen on a day to day basis how the roadside vendors face the susceptibility and miserable situations. Almost all of us have seen how these people are humiliated and looked down upon. We fight for a rupee with them and do not just halt there we further go on and sometimes even abuse these people. It is not just the common men who ignore these people rather it is the government at large.

Open your essay with a description of one of these roadside vendors. You say "it has been seen on a day to day basis" and "almost all of us have seen" but as an American, I have no idea how these people live, what their "miserable situations" are, or how they are "humiliated and looked down upon". You need to tell me a story about them that makes me understand.

3.

These people are neglected by the government. They are not given adequate housing, clothing, or food . As most of them live hand to mouth, they have to suffer due to the irregularity of their wages and the amount they have to pay police constables and middlemen (Why do they have to pay these people?) . Many of them are unable to meet the basic needs of their families like food , clothing, and education . Furthermore, their poverty perpetuates the problem of child labor.

3.

It is not just what people say and write I completely stand with such curses in society as I have personally seen and experienced such things in a slum near my house. It was for a school project that I had been there and interacted with them and to my shock young children of my age live in pathetic conditions and are deprived of even the basic necessities. It was not just this I was disheartened and completely moved when I saw young kids helping their parents with the stalls. It was really painful to see young kids working instead of celebrating the festival by lighting candles and eating sweets.

I understand that in real life, you are probably disheartened and frustrated by the terrible conditions in your country, but this sounds very distant. A lot of people who write these kinds of essays write about poverty. Describe the children slum; make your essay more unique. What grade was your project for? What festival were they missing?

4.

My classmates and I decided to work together to ease some of the vendors' burdens by creating a system that would allow them to work together to earn money.Now the women make the handicrafts (What kinds of handicrafts?) and the men put up stalls in different areas throughout the year. The others work as salesmen and go around the city selling products. Of the money they earn , seventy percent is divided equally among all the families, twenty-five percen t is used to buy the raw materials (What kinds of raw materials?) and five percent is saved for bad times.

You need to end the essay with why this issue means so much to you and how you hope to resolve it through college.


Home / Undergraduate / Life is full of ups and downs; issues of personal, local, international concern