"Life is like a box of chocolates" - COMMON APP Activities Short Essay

Trojan2010 1 / -

Dec 13, 2009 #1

Any help and critique would be much appreciated! Essay is below. I think it is too wordy and such...

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer).

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." As I entered high school, I was determined to get the best darn chocolates I could get. My solution and plan: to be involved in anything and everything. I enrolled in harder classes, signed up for clubs, and went to all the games with the band, but the activity that I have found most meaningful is my volunteer work throughout the community. Through Student Government, National Honor Society, National English Honor Society, and volunteering on my own time, my committees and I have raised over $1,500 for the American Cancer Society during Breast Cancer Awareness Month, put on a successful canned food drive for our local homeless shelter, and volunteered at fundraisers, preschools, and community festivals. After all of this, I feel like I have the best darn chocolates around.

christiek 6 / 57

Dec 13, 2009 #2

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

--> LOVE THIS QUOTE and MOVIE :) but i dont think you should really start out this way. I mean it's cliche and it sounds a bit unprofessional..

You can think of another good hook : )

My solution and plan: to be involved in anything and everything. I enrolled in harder classes, signed up for clubs, and went to all the games with the band, make this into two sentences but the activity that I have found most meaningful is my volunteer work throughout the community.

volunteer work throughout the

--> volunteer work within the...

After all of this, I feel like I have the best darn chocolates around.

--> Try ending it differently. I know you are trying to connect it back to the beginning but I don't really think you can really validate this statement with only a few sentences that is required...

(remember this is just MY opinion..)

-Ummm...I couldn't help but notice that you never really

elaborate on one of your activities

--> You might want to stick with one thing. Because I am sure you listed all those activities on the common app

GOOD LUCK!

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053

Dec 15, 2009 #3

Yes, to use this quote, there would have to be a stronger connection between your academics and the movie. Right now, it is pretty random as a theme. This quote is about not knowing what life will give but expecting it all to be nice like chocolates. Your philosophy is different. It's more like, "Life is what you make of it, and what you get is equal to what you give."

Katsch 4 / 61

Dec 15, 2009 #4

I like how you integrate the quote, but it seems like you only want to emphasize that you've been active in school when the rest of the application will already do that.

Through Student Government, National Honor Society, National English Honor Society, and volunteering on my own time

For example, in this part you just list your activities when the extracurricular part of your app does the exact same thing.

Admissions officers will want to see what you're truly passionate about, so I would pick one activity and focus on that. I'd love to see what you could write then.