Carnegie Mellon University is the ideal institution for me to continue my appreciation for Math and Science and in doing so fulfill my dreams and aspirations. I never thought of Engineering as a career or a profession, it was always a passion, hobby, and in some ways a talent. However, I now clearly understand that Engineering is not only a passion or a hobby, but rather something that I want to pursue and continue doing for the rest of my life. I realize that Carnegie Mellon will help me lay the foundations for what I hope will be a lifelong journey in Math, Science, and Engineering. My academic passions and the opportunities available to me at Carnegie Mellon make me certain that the School of Computer Science and the Carnegie Institute of Technology at Carnegie Mellon University are the next steps for me in this journey.
An engineer's work can be found in even the most infinitesimal aspects of our lives. Their work ranges anywhere from printing the dictionaries that define an Engineer to constructing colossal buildings. As a result, the various disciplines of engineering offer Engineers a myriad of opportunities through which to contribute to society. A primary concern for me and many Engineers today is the rising prevalence of Global Warming and its caustic effects on society. To help alleviate this plague on our environment, Engineers around the world are helping by developing alternative fuels, more efficient buildings, and etc. In a recent science journal, I read about a group of various computer, mechanical, electrical, and other engineers who have come together to build a revolutionary underwater windmill called Deep Green. These new windmills exploit the fact that water is 800 percent more dense than air, to create 800 times more energy than regular windmills spinning at the same speed. This has shown me that engineering is a group effort that requires the contribution of many. Breakthroughs like this have been instrumental in inspiring me to follow through with my passion of being an Engineer and trying to engineer something for society to advance and to help put a stop to Global Warming.
I have always been interested in how, and more importantly why, things worked. As a child, I use to often take things, mostly toys, apart and try to put them back together. As a result, I never truly understood how and why these works of Engineering worked, but as I grew older the Internet offered me a vast new dimension of knowledge from which I could draw from. In this way, I would take things apart and then research and study the reason these objects worked. As time passed, I naturally began to develop and further my interests in Math and Science through the various opportunities available to me at school. By partaking in competitions such as Science Olympiad and Science Bowl, I have been able to apply and share my knowledge and in the process even learn new things from others. Just last year I was introduced to computer science by a friend of mine, and since then we have ecstatically studied the various languages in computer science and have programmed various things. Over this past summer, I took various open courseware courses dealing with computer science from Stanford and MIT. These include Stanford's Programming Methodology course and MIT's Introduction to computer science and programming. Recently my friends and I began a computer programming/game design club where we applied our programming skills to not only create fun games, but to also teach others.
I have always been exposed to engineering because my Father was a Petroleum Engineer and now both he and my mother are Software Engineers. My parents have always been supportive of my engineering goals and they often help me when I am stuck on a programming code or help me find bugs when my program doesn't execute correctly. My mom has also tried showing me how automated and manual testing of programs works and although I am yet to understand it fully, I appreciate how testing works. In this way, I have seen first-hand how engineers apply concepts of Math and Science to conceive unique methods to solve problems and I am all the more encouraged to enter the field of engineering.
I am confident that the School of Computer Science and the Carnegie Institute of Technology will provide me with the necessary academic instruction to succeed as an Engineer. Furthermore, I am eager to take advantage of Carnegie Mellon's research opportunities to learn more about the world around me and in doing so satiate my curiosity and inquisitive yearning. I hope to be part of the unique and encouraging environment at Carnegie Mellon University and to not only learn, but to also contribute to the diverse and vast intellectual dedication that defines a Tartan.
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My main concers are basically how it sounds and in aswering the prompt does it say something meaningful about me. I also need to cut out some words since it is goes a paragraph into the second page. And I was also accepted into a competitive Engineering Seminar at Santa Clara Univeristy but I didn't talk about it here since I already chose that as my topic for my Common App Essay. So should I mention it again? Thanks a lot for any comments, and please be critical if you must :)
I think this essay really shows a lot of interest in CMU as well as tons interest in your fields of interest.
If you talked about the engineering seminar in your Common App, I dont think you should mention it again here.
Also, your essay seems pretty long, are you able to fit it on one page?
ooh and take a look at my cmu supplement!
No, like a said it goes a paragraph into the second page. So any help cuting out words would help a lot. Also I'm applying to both the School of computer science (Ranked as #1) and the Carnegie Institiute of Technology (Ranked as #2) on the common app, so I brought them both up in my essay. Does this work? Thanks a lot.
It's all very strong. However, if i had to choose a weaker section to shorten it, I would take out some of the second paragraph out about the underwater windmills.
So I'm assuming from all of your comments that the essay speaks for both Computer Science (School of Computer Science) and the other types of Engineering (Carnegie Institute of Technology). Again Thanks a lot everybody, I'll do my best to edit your essays ASAP.
I've also been reading other carnegie Mellon essays, and they talk about their majors. I haven't mentioned my intended major in my essays so is that fine? PLZ help. Thanks again.
I think if you're not sure about your specific major and the common app doesn't ask then you don't need to talk about it specifically. Computer science seems pretty evident in your essay.
i dont think the deep green journal part is too neccessary if you want to cut it.
and also, the 3rd paragraph catches my attention more maybe you can switch the 2nd and 3rd paragraph.
I have seen first-hand how engineers apply concepts of Math and Science to conceive unique methods to solve problems. My parents are both Software Engineers and have always been supportive of my engineering goals. when I am stuck on a programming code or help me find bugs when my program doesn't execute correctly, they are there to help.[maybe stick that sentence about you and your friends program here so smooth it out] Through my early exposure, I have gained a greater sense of what it is like to be an engineer and appreciate a career in it thoroughly...[^ehh idk...just a suggestion]
==>These include Stanford's Programming Methodology course and MIT's Introduction to computer science and programming.
^not a neccesary sentence, you can just write it in your excc/courses taken section.
Overall, a very super inspiring essay (:
You should comment on my common app essay. its a bit of a mess...would appreciate any comment...
Thanks, I'll edit your essays ASAP. I think I'm just about done with this Essay so Thx a lot everone.
