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"to light the way for my students" - Take a look at my "Why Northwestern?"



gynn92 3 / 28  
Dec 23, 2009   #1
Hello friends :)

Here is my draft of Why Northwestern. Please be harsh. Hurt my feelings! Haha. I know, I need to work on my word choices... Suggestions are welcome! Thank you for your help

Date: September, 2030
As I ran my fingers across an old faded photograph of myself standing in Ryan Field, I reminisced about my years in college. I could vividly remember myself heading towards Annenberg Hall to attend a lecture. Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a bell, attracting the students to enter my classroom.

"Ms.Lee, is that you?" one of the students asked, glancing at the picture.
"Yes, it was during my college years." I smiled.
"Tell us about your college experience!" Soon, there was a crowd gathered around my desk.
"Yeah, tell us why you became a teacher!" The questions came endlessly.
"Oh, alright." I gave in and began my story...

"Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to teach. During high school, I volunteered as a peer tutor, camp counselor, and assistant teacher. These indispensable activities shaped my passion for teaching. Just like the quote, "A teacher is like a candle; it consumes itself to light the way for others," it was remarkable how I was able to guide the students to reach their educational goals. Whether they needed help solving a simple math problem or analyzing a book's theme, it was as if I held the key to the next step. No other activity was as fulfilling and satisfying to me as working with the students. So it was only natural that my affection for teaching led me to Northwestern University."

"Why? Does Northwestern have a good teaching program?" One of the students courageously asked the big question.
"For me, the question was 'Why not Northwestern?' Northwestern was my home for developing my interests and talents. My rationale for attending Northwestern had to do with the School of Education & Social Policy. From the beginning, I knew it was the perfect match for me. And I was right. SESP not only prepared me with the best secondary teacher program, but also in human development and psychological services, where my other passion lies. It was truly amazing as I learned the social impacts on human growth.

"Anyways, SESP is known for its close community. The small classes fostered strong relationship between the professors and the students. It was my ideal learning environment, because I believe engaging in discussions broaden and expands the students' reflection. Also, I always had someone to converse with, whether it was for academic or personal purposes. I still keep in touch with advisors and professors that I became close to during those years.

"Yes, Alex," I called upon a student whose arm was raised.
"I have a sister who goes to Northwestern and she told me about the practicum in School of Education. What did you do?" Alex asked.

"Out of an abundance of opportunities SESP offered, the most valuable adventure was the summer field studies. I was given a chance to explore my potential career at the Department of Education in Washington D.C. As my courses were concentrated specifically towards social policy and human services, I utilized my knowledge in designing education curriculums. I was in the right place as I helped to outline modules that taught students to think creatively and openly for themselves. The feeling of leaving my footprints on a student's life was ineffable and I believe no other university would have provided such an opportunity like Northwestern did.

"Let's get back to class. We're going to be discussing childhood development and adolescence," I concluded. As I stepped toward the podium, I inwardly thanked Northwestern University for opening the doors for me. As Northwestern was a candle to my education, I will continue to light the way for my students, with knowledge.

Tictac8 4 / 18  
Dec 23, 2009   #2
Hmm, I think the anecdote is taking up way too much room. Instead of having more than half of the essay be an anecdote, try to expand on the reasons why Northwestern appeals to you. Besides your academics, what's your take on the community? Answer things like that also.

Hope that helps =)
pbhat 5 / 16  
Dec 24, 2009   #3
Good job! I also hope to teach one day and I believe this essay takes a pretty personal standpoint (not to mention unique) with regards to the answer.

That said, I think there are a few problems:

Like the post above, the anecdote takes too much space in the essay. The crux of this essay is answering why you went to Northwestern. While I love the train of thought, elaborate more on what in your life (experiences) directly attaches you the SESP program.

Right now, you simply say your extra curricular activities helped ignite your passion for teaching, but showing "how" will be more emphatic and aid the effectiveness of your essay.

Good luck and Happy Holidays
whitepolarbear 7 / 31  
Dec 24, 2009   #4
I am kind of confused... Is this story supposed to be in the future? If it is, it is a unique idea but kind of strange... Maybe you could talk more about the school?
insomnia 2 / 4  
Dec 24, 2009   #5
I think your essay is well-written in terms of mechanics and has an inventive approach. However, I'm left feeling a little confused as to, really, why Northwestern. Plenty of schools boast easy access to teachers and strong academic curriculum, and it ends up sounding somewhat like a canned response. I would elaborate a lot more on what makes their education program in particular really good and so appealing to you. What kind of hands-on experience do they offer? How do the students fare after graduation?

On another note, I found the "No other activity was as fulfilling and satisfying to me as working with the students. It was my affection for teaching that led me to Northwestern University" to be kind of awkward and jumpy. I'd change it to: "No other activity was as fulfilling and satisfying to me as working with the students. So it was only natural that my affection for teaching led me to Northwestern University." Or something like that, at least; I think the sentence needs a transitional word or two to bridge the gap. Up to you.

Good luck :)


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