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"I liked constructions of every kind"; Civil Engineering Academic objectives


jazzmeen 3 / 15  
Apr 22, 2010   #1
Hello I need help with my essay..please read it and suggest improvements! :)

My intended major is Civil Engineering. Since school, mathematics and physics were my favorite subjects. I love the idea of applying them to real life problems. I chose Civil Engineering because I have always been fascinated with civil projects. I think one of my greatest influences was my father. He is a civil engineer and I could learn many things about this field from him. The construction always kept my interest. Buildings, bridges, houses, I liked constructions of every kind. There is something different and dignified about each of these projects, that someday they were someone's idea. I chose to apply to Fairleigh Dickinson University because of its academic excellence and unique opportunities. FDU offers the best study program combined with laboratory work, which is important because I will be able to apply what I learned in class. The research and projects opportunities will give me rich experience by the time I graduate. Fairleigh Dickinson fulfills all my university education expectations and I am sure that I will receive more than I want. I am confident I will match the high standards set by your University.
Azeri 10 / 137  
Apr 22, 2010   #2
Hi, Tamara

I didn't find grammar mistakes, but I think that is short for Academic objective essay. Were there any requirements about how to write it? Probably, you should talk in separate paragraphs about your plans, the purpose of choosing this university, who and how influeced your decision and etc.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 23, 2010   #3
Since school, mathematics and physics were have been my favorite subjects.

I want to ask you to condense the first few sentences into one good one:
My intended major is Civil Engineering. Since school, mathematics and physics were my favorite subjects. I love the idea of applying them to real life problems. I chose Civil Engineering because I have always been fascinated with civil projects. I think one of my greatest I intend to major in civil engineering, because I have always excelled in math and science and am fascinated with civil projects.

Whenever you can say something in fewer words, it gets more powerful.
OP jazzmeen 3 / 15  
Apr 26, 2010   #4
hello! there were no word amount requirements, that was something strange. How long do you think will be ok?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 27, 2010   #5
When I say you should express yourself in fewer words, I don't mean you should make the essay shorter. The essay should be as long as they recommend; they really did not give a suggested length?

Anyway, I am talking about your intensity. This is not intense:
FDU offers the best study program combined with laboratory work, which is important because I will be able to apply what I learned in class. The research and projects opportunities will give me rich experience by the time I graduate. Fairleigh Dickinson fulfills all my university education expectations and I am sure that I will receive more than I want. I am confident I will match the high standards set by your University.

If i say the same thing in one sentence, that will be intensified:
FDU combines laboratory work with a first rate study program, providing challenging experiences that will enrich my education and prepare me for my career -- challenging experiences for which i know I am well-prepared.

If you condense wordy parts into a few sentences, the essay will pack a hard punch. The important thing is to have some meaningful truth to express and try to express as much of it as possible in the amount of space you are allowed.

:-)


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