Below is a very rough draft of my common app essay. Can you guys please help me revise it and tell me how I can fix it to make it better? Thank you! It's a topic of your choice.
It was the summer before freshman year of high school and the anxiety was already beginning to stifle me. I've always heard people say that "everything changes in high school" and ever since hearing those five words, the possibility of JAMM kept me awake throughout summer. Call me stubborn but I never liked the idea of change because change was accompanied with ambiguity. The two combined together was bad news and I didn't want high school to come between us. I always identified myself as JAMM. My parents, close friends, and even my teachers recognized me as JAMM. In case you're wondering, JAMM is not my name. It's actually an acronym my best friends and I came up with to acknowledge our strong sisterhood. The four of us have been best friends since middle school and since then we've all been one entity. We did everything together and were hardly ever separated. JAMM is a part of me and I had no intentions of changing who I was either.
I suppose I was too naïve to know it but change is inevitable. It's bound to happen and unfortunately I was not prepared for it. I was separated from JAMM. I didn't have any of the same classes as them and for the first time ever, I felt lost. I was so used to having JAMM by my side all the time that I've stunted myself from developing a sense of individualism. They seemed to have been prepared for this moment because they were onto developing their own passions and pursuing their own goals while I was still trying to figure out who I was. This made me wonder if I had been hiding myself behind JAMM. Ironically this level of uncertainty and confusion motivated me to gain individuality. I was starting to realize that JAMM is not one entity but four distinct individuals.
Since our separation I started to learn how to function on my own and develop my own identity. I began to talk to different people and make new friends. I joined different clubs and became more involved in marching band. I was beginning to find my own interests and who knew I'd get so involved in marching band. I was realizing that high school was a time of change. In spite of my strong dislike for change I saw that the ambiguity of change may lead to unexpected experiences but it's all a part of growing up. I was finally defining myself and becoming more independent. Before separating from JAMM I was content with staying the same and I didn't want JAMM to change. I was too naïve to see what was really happening. I was afraid to step out of my comfort zone.
High school gave me the chance to be someone without the influence of JAMM. I've realized that JAMM is an extension of me. Throughout the years, I've grown into someone who is willing to accept change and its ambiguous partner.
It was the summer before freshman year of high school and the anxiety was already beginning to stifle me. I've always heard people say that "everything changes in high school" and ever since hearing those five words, the possibility of JAMM kept me awake throughout summer. Call me stubborn but I never liked the idea of change because change was accompanied with ambiguity. The two combined together was bad news and I didn't want high school to come between us. I always identified myself as JAMM. My parents, close friends, and even my teachers recognized me as JAMM. In case you're wondering, JAMM is not my name. It's actually an acronym my best friends and I came up with to acknowledge our strong sisterhood. The four of us have been best friends since middle school and since then we've all been one entity. We did everything together and were hardly ever separated. JAMM is a part of me and I had no intentions of changing who I was either.
I suppose I was too naïve to know it but change is inevitable. It's bound to happen and unfortunately I was not prepared for it. I was separated from JAMM. I didn't have any of the same classes as them and for the first time ever, I felt lost. I was so used to having JAMM by my side all the time that I've stunted myself from developing a sense of individualism. They seemed to have been prepared for this moment because they were onto developing their own passions and pursuing their own goals while I was still trying to figure out who I was. This made me wonder if I had been hiding myself behind JAMM. Ironically this level of uncertainty and confusion motivated me to gain individuality. I was starting to realize that JAMM is not one entity but four distinct individuals.
Since our separation I started to learn how to function on my own and develop my own identity. I began to talk to different people and make new friends. I joined different clubs and became more involved in marching band. I was beginning to find my own interests and who knew I'd get so involved in marching band. I was realizing that high school was a time of change. In spite of my strong dislike for change I saw that the ambiguity of change may lead to unexpected experiences but it's all a part of growing up. I was finally defining myself and becoming more independent. Before separating from JAMM I was content with staying the same and I didn't want JAMM to change. I was too naïve to see what was really happening. I was afraid to step out of my comfort zone.
High school gave me the chance to be someone without the influence of JAMM. I've realized that JAMM is an extension of me. Throughout the years, I've grown into someone who is willing to accept change and its ambiguous partner.