Hey guys! Here I have two versions of my essay for the first UC prompt. I was wondering which one would be better to turn in. I felt like my first draft was too vague so in my second draft I decided to provide an example of some hospital experience I've had. But now I feel like the essay talks about two different topics. Also, how can I improve it? I believe I am 5 words over the combined 1000 word limit so let me know on what I can cut out. Thank you!
Prompt #1 - Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Essay #1: I've been put into such an interesting, yet difficult situation. I live an Indian way of life yet American society. Despite these contradicting cultures I live by, I've very thankful for the way in which my parents raised me. Their passion and care for my well-being has crafted me into a nurturing person. I am lucky enough to be born into such a family that has taught me valuable life lessons and I will use those values to bring good fortune upon others by becoming a doctor.
It's not easy to live in two different worlds at once. My parents are generally conservative people who haven't full adapted to the American way of life. They lived in a world where elders watched closely behind your back and the only job for children was to study hard in school and attend to the families needs. Because of this, they don't agree with certain aspects such as school dances, extensive partying, and dating at such a young age. Even the concept of "hanging out with friends" is foreign to them. For example, I am not allowed to attend school dances, can't wear revealing clothing, and I'm expected to act ladylike with a calm and quiet reserve. My parents are especially strict when it comes to how I can interact with the opposite gender. It's tough for me to see my friends do what I can only hope to do. At times I am quite frustrated as it is difficult for my parents to see from my point of view. However, in the long run, I see that these restrictions were there to set my life on track. The American lifestyle is a total culture clash for my parents and in order to protect me, they set these restrictions. I may not agree with certain aspects of our traditions, but as I go through life, I strive to find a balance between the cultures and initially take the best of both worlds.
Family is everything in the Indian culture. Unlike in America, there are many couples that chose to live with their parents, even after starting their own family. This concept may seem unusual to Americans but this is because parents will always be your parents no matter what. They are willing to take you in and take care of you during your darkest times. They are willing to make any sacrifice for the sake of their children, even if that means giving up their own dreams. These are the aspects that portray the devotion parents should have towards their children. I am proud to say that I am lucky enough to have these parents. In the future, I will strive to show this devotion to my own children.
These values have transferred into my own life and what I achieve to be as I get older. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have been given and I feel that it is my inborn duty to care for those who are less fortunate than me by becoming a psychiatrist. I strive to put my heart into what I do; rewards and benefits merely result from becoming a doctor. Whatever medicine I prescribe, whatever session I counsel, whatever medical procedure I perform, will be done from the goodness of my heart.
Essay #2: I've been put into such an interesting, yet difficult situation. I live an Indian way of life yet American society. Despite these contradicting cultures I live by, I'm very thankful for the way my parents raised me. Their passion and care for my well-being has crafted me into a nurturing person. I am lucky enough to be born into such a family that has taught me valuable life lessons and I will use those values to bring good fortune upon others.
It's not easy to live in two different worlds at once. My parents are generally conservative people who haven't full adapted to the American way of life. They lived in a world where elders watched closely behind your back and the only job for children was to study hard in school and attend to the family's needs. Because of this, they don't agree with certain aspects such as school dances, extensive partying, and dating at such a young age. Even the concept of "hanging out with friends" is foreign to them. For example, I'm not allowed to attend school dances, can't wear revealing clothing, and I'm expected to act ladylike with a calm and quiet reserve. It's tough for me to see my friends do what I can only hope to do. At times I am quite frustrated as it is difficult for my parents to see from my point of view. However, in the long run, I see that these restrictions were there to set my life on track. I may not agree with certain aspects of our traditions, but as I go through life, I strive to find a balance between the cultures and initially take the best from both worlds.
Family is everything in the Indian culture. Unlike in America, there are many couples that chose to live with their parents, even after starting their own family. This concept may seem unusual to Americans, as kids roam freely as soon as they hit their eighteenth birthday. But in India, a parent always sees their child as a child. They are willing to take you in and take care of you during your darkest times. They are willing to make any sacrifice for the sake of their children, even if that means giving up their own dreams. These are the aspects that portray the devotion parents should have towards their children. I am proud to say that I am lucky enough to have these parents. In the future, I will strive to show this devotion to my own children.
These values have transferred into my own life and what I achieve to be as I get older. I made up my mind about my future occupation on my trip to India last summer. I volunteered at the Sree Gokulam Medical College and Research Foundation by participating in the physician shadowing program at the hospital. What I saw one day had shocked me. In the accident and emergency ward, a man with blood vessel degeneration had a 10% survival rate. My heart sank with compassion and sadness when I realized he was most likely going to pass away. In that moment I was so thankful for the opportunities I had been given. I knew that it was my inborn duty to care for those less fortunate. I needed to be a doctor.
Prompt #1 - Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Essay #1: I've been put into such an interesting, yet difficult situation. I live an Indian way of life yet American society. Despite these contradicting cultures I live by, I've very thankful for the way in which my parents raised me. Their passion and care for my well-being has crafted me into a nurturing person. I am lucky enough to be born into such a family that has taught me valuable life lessons and I will use those values to bring good fortune upon others by becoming a doctor.
It's not easy to live in two different worlds at once. My parents are generally conservative people who haven't full adapted to the American way of life. They lived in a world where elders watched closely behind your back and the only job for children was to study hard in school and attend to the families needs. Because of this, they don't agree with certain aspects such as school dances, extensive partying, and dating at such a young age. Even the concept of "hanging out with friends" is foreign to them. For example, I am not allowed to attend school dances, can't wear revealing clothing, and I'm expected to act ladylike with a calm and quiet reserve. My parents are especially strict when it comes to how I can interact with the opposite gender. It's tough for me to see my friends do what I can only hope to do. At times I am quite frustrated as it is difficult for my parents to see from my point of view. However, in the long run, I see that these restrictions were there to set my life on track. The American lifestyle is a total culture clash for my parents and in order to protect me, they set these restrictions. I may not agree with certain aspects of our traditions, but as I go through life, I strive to find a balance between the cultures and initially take the best of both worlds.
Family is everything in the Indian culture. Unlike in America, there are many couples that chose to live with their parents, even after starting their own family. This concept may seem unusual to Americans but this is because parents will always be your parents no matter what. They are willing to take you in and take care of you during your darkest times. They are willing to make any sacrifice for the sake of their children, even if that means giving up their own dreams. These are the aspects that portray the devotion parents should have towards their children. I am proud to say that I am lucky enough to have these parents. In the future, I will strive to show this devotion to my own children.
These values have transferred into my own life and what I achieve to be as I get older. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have been given and I feel that it is my inborn duty to care for those who are less fortunate than me by becoming a psychiatrist. I strive to put my heart into what I do; rewards and benefits merely result from becoming a doctor. Whatever medicine I prescribe, whatever session I counsel, whatever medical procedure I perform, will be done from the goodness of my heart.
Essay #2: I've been put into such an interesting, yet difficult situation. I live an Indian way of life yet American society. Despite these contradicting cultures I live by, I'm very thankful for the way my parents raised me. Their passion and care for my well-being has crafted me into a nurturing person. I am lucky enough to be born into such a family that has taught me valuable life lessons and I will use those values to bring good fortune upon others.
It's not easy to live in two different worlds at once. My parents are generally conservative people who haven't full adapted to the American way of life. They lived in a world where elders watched closely behind your back and the only job for children was to study hard in school and attend to the family's needs. Because of this, they don't agree with certain aspects such as school dances, extensive partying, and dating at such a young age. Even the concept of "hanging out with friends" is foreign to them. For example, I'm not allowed to attend school dances, can't wear revealing clothing, and I'm expected to act ladylike with a calm and quiet reserve. It's tough for me to see my friends do what I can only hope to do. At times I am quite frustrated as it is difficult for my parents to see from my point of view. However, in the long run, I see that these restrictions were there to set my life on track. I may not agree with certain aspects of our traditions, but as I go through life, I strive to find a balance between the cultures and initially take the best from both worlds.
Family is everything in the Indian culture. Unlike in America, there are many couples that chose to live with their parents, even after starting their own family. This concept may seem unusual to Americans, as kids roam freely as soon as they hit their eighteenth birthday. But in India, a parent always sees their child as a child. They are willing to take you in and take care of you during your darkest times. They are willing to make any sacrifice for the sake of their children, even if that means giving up their own dreams. These are the aspects that portray the devotion parents should have towards their children. I am proud to say that I am lucky enough to have these parents. In the future, I will strive to show this devotion to my own children.
These values have transferred into my own life and what I achieve to be as I get older. I made up my mind about my future occupation on my trip to India last summer. I volunteered at the Sree Gokulam Medical College and Research Foundation by participating in the physician shadowing program at the hospital. What I saw one day had shocked me. In the accident and emergency ward, a man with blood vessel degeneration had a 10% survival rate. My heart sank with compassion and sadness when I realized he was most likely going to pass away. In that moment I was so thankful for the opportunities I had been given. I knew that it was my inborn duty to care for those less fortunate. I needed to be a doctor.
