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Love for animals; MIT short answer - most significant challenge


MiaB 8 / 25  
Dec 25, 2012   #1
Hello everyone; please tell me what you think of my essay : (grammar comments, vocabulary, organization, or any suggestions .. )

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

Since very young, I've always felt close to animals. My favorites were horses. I must have had 6 years old; the first time I rode one: her name was "Bella", and felt such fulfillment and freedom as riding it that doing so has turned into a passion for me.

I kept riding, as I grew up, and getting each time better and closer to the horses. However, my riding experience is not all happy. Indeed, a few years ago, as I was riding "Amazone", a very beautiful and imposing horse, a gust of wind scared off the poor animal, used to be ridden indoors only. Thus, we were close to approach a fence, when Amazone bucked, and I haven't had enough time to adjust the reins, before falling over.

Of course, this wasn't my first fall off a horse; it must have been the tenth time: no one can ever claim of being a good horse rider if he never experienced a falling. But, this time, it was different: it wasn't a simple fall, after which legs would hurt for a day or two. No, I have had a serious knee-fracture: I've had to wear a plaster cast for two months.

Though, the biggest challenge I've had to face was, once the two months were over, getting back on track, riding Amazone again. I was really torn between my passion of riding and the fear of getting hurt and re-living the horrible cast-experience all over. It was very difficult dilemma to end; but I eventually bypassed my fear: I couldn't stand the idea of giving up on my passion just because I was too much of a coward to face it. This personal challenge is the most relevant that I've had to face.

I still ride Amazone.
AmelieValerie 1 / 2  
Dec 25, 2012   #2
I must have hadbeen [?] 6 years old;semicolon seems unnecessary the first time I rode one: her name was "Bella", and felt such fulfillment and freedom as riding it that doing so has turned into a passion for me. This sentence is too complex in grammar while easy in its meaning, it gives a reader impression that you either want to sound more academic or trying to type as much as you can.[quote=MiaB]I kept riding, as I grew up, and getting each time better and closer to the horses.


I kept riding,you don't need this comma as I grew up,not sure if you should keep this comma and getting each time better and closer to the horses.

a few years ago, as I was riding "Amazone"

a gust of wind scared off the poor animal, who is used to be ridden indoors only.

Thus, we were close to approach a fence, when Amazone bucked, and I haven't had enough time to adjust the reins, before falling over.

Of course, this wasn't my first fall off a horse;semicolon is used only when sentences are close but have no specific relation it must have been the tenth time:so not sure no one can ever claim of being a good horse rider if he never experienced a falling.

But, this time, it was different: it wasn't a simple fall, after which legs would hurt for a day or two. No, I have had a serious knee-fracture:because of it I've had to wear a plaster cast for two months.

Though, the biggest challenge I've had to face was once the two months were over getting back on track and riding Amazone again.

Overall I liked it. However, punctuation is not so good, it actually sounds like you are russian:)
cefireo 1 / 2 1  
Dec 25, 2012   #3
Since very young, I've always felt close to animals. My favorites were horses. I must have hadbeen 6 years old;unnecessary punctuation the first time I rode one:period her (caps) name was "Bella", and I felt such fulfillment and freedom as riding it that doing so has turned into a passion for me.

I kept riding, unnecessary punctuation as I grew up, and getting each time (move to end of sentence) better and closer to the horses. However, my riding experience is verb tense agreement not all happy. Indeed, a few years ago, as I was riding "Amazone", a very beautiful and imposing horse, a gust of wind scared off the poor animal, which wasused to be ridden indoors only. Thus , we were close to approach(ing) a fence, unnecessary punctuation when Amazone bucked, and I haven't had enough time to adjust the reins, before falling over.

Of course, this wasn't my first fall off a horse; it must have beenuse different words the tenth time: no one can ever claim of being a good horse rider if he never experienced a falling . But, this time, it was different: period instead it wasn't a simple fall, after which legs would hurt for a day or two. No, I have had a serious knee-fracture: I've had to wear a plaster cast for two months.

Though, the biggest challenge I've had to face was, once the two months were over, getting back on track, riding Amazone again. I was really torn between my passion of riding and the fear of getting hurt and re-living the horrible cast-experience all over. It was very difficult dilemma to end; but I eventually bypassed my fear: I couldn't stand the idea of giving up on my passion just because I was too much of a coward to face it. This personal challenge is the most relevant that I've had to face.

I still ride Amazone.
OP MiaB 8 / 25  
Dec 25, 2012   #4
Oh yeah punctuation seems not good all.

and not I am not Russian; I'm just used to writing in French, which requieres a lot of comas.

Thank you both a lot !


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