'I love the Beatles and eating' - Letter to Roommate! Stanford supplement

**i still need cut it down a bit.. but let me know how it is so far! thanks in advance!

Hi future roommate!
Hope you are doing great! I am currently exhausted; I just got home from playing soccer with my friends. So far, this summer has been the best yet. Not only have I continued to stay active by playing soccer and running with my cross country team, but I have caught up on some reading, I have gone to the beach and I am planning on taking dance lessons, something I have always wanted to do. Hopefully, you are enjoying your summer as much as I am. After all, it's our last before college begins so we must make the best of it!

Although it is quite some time from now, I warn you when you first meet me, please do not be overwhelmed by my inquisitive nature! I tend to bombard people with questions when I first meet them. I do not mean to scare you; I simply want to get to know you. I love to meet new people and there is so much to learn from you! It's going to be hard staying silent.

As of now, we are still complete strangers to each other but I want to change that so that when we meet, there will be at least one thing that is familiar amongst the many changes college will bring. First off, don't be fooled by my slim figure; I love to eat. Trying new foods is one of my favorite things to do. At the moment, my favorite food is Korean Barbeque. If you have never had it before, you should definitely try it! I can assure you, if you are not a vegetarian, you will love it. I also enjoy cooking and baking and although I am not the best at it, I hope to one day acquire my mom's cooking skills. As for music, I do not have the typical teenage taste. Although I enjoy modern music, my all time favorite band, the Beatles, broke up more than 40 years ago. My friends refer to me as an 'old soul' due to my preference for classic rock. However, I am very open minded with music so if you have a different music taste, I would love to listen to it! Furthermore, though my education is a priority, I love to have fun, too. It can be slightly difficult at times, but I always make sure to balance the two out.

Now that I told you a little bit about me, hopefully I won't be much of a stranger anymore. However, there is still a lot more to know so hopefully you are looking forward to starting school as I am! Have a great summer and see you in a few months!

Overall, good essay. I learned a lot about you in just a few words! However, you need to incorporate your personality into the essay a bit more. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but right now, you're just listing facts about yourself. You might want to expand more about your "inquisitive nature", or some other aspect of you that you might want to show. The roommate essay needs to incorporate both information/personality. By the way, I love Korean BBQ too!

If you have time, it would be great if you looked over my NYU supplements. Thanks!

I liked your final paragraph best so avoid cutting things from there..
Rergarding your first few paragraphs however, I want you to re-read what you wrote and ask yourself if it resembles a diary/journal entry rather than an essay. I 100% support you getting personal and revealing information about yourself but this essay comes off as a little immature and peppy rather than a strong insight into your character.

Talking about what you do is important but you have a valuable opportunity to reveal traits, characteristics, history, etc about yourself. Describe your soccer experiences or cross country or dance more and explain how sports thrill you and make you feel productive and that you love to be healthy, fit, productive, active, etc.

Relate what you do to who you are and how it affects you. Also, I like that you refer to yourself with an inquisitive nature but don't mention in this essay that you 'bombard people with questions' that's a good thing! Don't shine a negative light on it!

Remember that your roommate isn't actually reading this, the admission's office is!

Good luck! :)

thanks! i really appreciate it, i will make sure to do some editing on my first paragraphs!

Hi! I liked yours! ONe things I did when I wrote mine is I thought about some of the most important parts of who I am and if I had the opportunity to make a first impression what would I want someone to notice about me, so make sure you think about that. Also I would put a little more about your personality - not what you do, but who you are. Write from your heart and you can't go wrong! :) I really liked it though, hope I helped.

thank you so much for your input. this has definitely helped me! good luck with yours!