Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 2


"My love for Computers" - U of I #1



nellyspageli 1 / 1  
Sep 8, 2009   #1
This is my essay for Engineering at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.
The prompt is "In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals." I welcome any criticism or comments no matter how minute. Thank you in advance.

Moore's Law: a trend in computing observed by Intel co-founder Gordon E. Moore. Moore's statement in 1975 that the number of transistors in an integrated circuit would double every two years has stood the test of time, this is why he is my hero. He pioneered early processors and founded biggest semiconductor maker in the world. My professional goal is to become one of the engineers working to keep the exponential growth in computing power alive. I want to come up with that next big breakthrough that changes the playing field for processor manufacturing.

As a young kid, I fell in love with computers. Their inner workings fascinate me, so much so, that I built my own fully working desktop computer by the time I was 10. I planned out my computer and bought each piece separately. I carefully weighed each company's product against the other. Even with careful assembly, when I first put it together, it didn't work. That didn't stop me, I racked my brain, going over each individual wire to make sure it was connected properly. My determination and problem solving skills paid off when I found a critical cable was disconnected inside. My computer taught me about myself as much as it taught me about itself. In order to put the computer together I had to learn what each individual piece goes and how it fits together with all the rest of the pieces. This may seem boring to some, but I loved it. Ever since then, I have wanted to learn more about the complex circuitry deep inside a processor's core.

Mayada 6 / 74  
Sep 8, 2009   #2
My computer taught me about myself as much as it taught me about itself

How so? I think that you should omit this sentence because it's irrelevant.

This may seem boring to some, but I loved it.

Omit that too. Why do you have to say it?

Every day, I read about new breakthroughs in processor technology. I think to myself that years down the road, I want to be that guy.

A better whay to say it:

>>>"I want to be that guy!" I thought, as I read about who lead a new breakthrough in processor technology

I want to be the one that comes up with somea great new idea that revolutionizes how they are built or even how they function.

Add a new closing sentence. I believe it shouldn't end with that last sentence.. and if you omit what I suggested you to omit, you would have space for a new closing sentence.


Home / Undergraduate / "My love for Computers" - U of I #1
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳