"Love working with computers" - Spelman College application essay. Help?

Prompt: Seeking knowledge and commitment to service are integral parts of the Spelman experience. Discuss and illustrate ways you have shown your commitment in these areas.

* I am not finish but this is what i came up with so far. Please tell me what i need to improve or take out.*

Even since I was little I love to work with computers and I was curious about how they work and how can I fix them. When I was ten living in Markham I got my first computer that wasn't new but an old computer from the library where my mother worked at. The computer was not new and had nothing updated on it so I decide to try to fix the computer make it more functional for me. So since I was only ten and new nothing about how to fix a computer I knew nothing more than how to just go on the internet and play games like the rest of my friends. So I told my mother that I wanted to fix the computer and she told the computer technician at her job about how I wanted to fix the computer and make it more functional. The computer was really slow and frozen up a lot of times when you were trying to open to programs that once. So he wrote down some of the things I could do to improve my computers performance such as: manage the startup program (too many opening during startup time can slow your computer down), perform a disk cleanup (which delete unnecessary or temporary files on your hard disk so you can increase the amount of storage space you have), and perform a disk defragment (which rearranges fragmented data so your hard disk can work more efficiently). After my mother gave me this information I was very excited to find out if my computer was going to be improved by me doing this. So when I got home I went to work it took me two days perform those three things on my computer. On the night of the second day I was so excited because it actually work my computer did become more faster and didn't freeze when I was trying to open to program at once. That next day I went to school and told my friends about what I had done they didn't really care or believe me. They were not very interested in how one can maintain their computers performance so I told my cousins that weekend. They always loved to learn hear about new things I learned at school because I always came and told them. Since they were younger than me any knowledge I told them about any subject was all so interesting to them. But I didn't stop there that weekend I went how and got on the internet at that time we had AOL which I didn't know that AOL had the slowest connection until I went online and was researching other way I can improve my computer. I found lots of information I learned that I could update my computer's operating system, I can had removable hard drives, and many more other things. I also ask my computer teacher Mr. Williams how I can improve my computer. I love learn more things about a computer how it works, how it came be improved, wants new in the technology world.

They knowledge for computers and how to fix them I used to help others in school and at home. When I went to my cousins house I would get on their computers improve the speed of how fast it came on by just managing the startup programs because my cousins didn't know much about computer and their parents didn't either they would call me to come over and help when their computer had problems and I found a way to fix them. Sometimes I did run into things I didn't know how to do but I just got on the internet searched how to fix certain problems I didn't always find the answer very quickly I had to also ask my computer teacher for help too. But I also find the solution to fix the problem. I also help at school during technology class I would always finish my work on the computers first then my friends would ask me for help. My teachers always told my parents I was a joy to have in class because after I finished my work in almost every class I would help other student that were having problems. Teachers would always ask when you finish would you please help the other student understand the material. Also some students don't understand when they teachers are explaining the lesson to them but when a student explains it in a different way than they can understand it. Technology was not the only subject that I love, could understand and wanted to know more about. Usually after a teacher taught us about subjects I would go home and lookup that topic on the internet or at the library to find out more about it. I found at I always wanted to know more in history, science, and science class after a lesson I wanted to go deepening into the topic that I was taught. But my favorite classes were always math and technology ( math lessons I processed very quickly in my mind).

As you can see this is how I found out what I wanted to learn when I go to college which was when I was in the seventh grade at Prairie Hills Junior High School by fixing my own computer. I was told a lot by teachers and my parents: "What's the thing about what makes you happy?" or "What you have fun doing?" Make what you love doing your career then would love getting up every morning going to work. So that why I chose to study computer science and become a computer system analyst because I love working to solve problems that computers have.

There are a lot of grammar errors, run-on sentences and you repeat yourself sometimes. Get it revised by a teacher; preferably an English teacher. Even better, go to your local college and ask someone in the English department to revise it for you. They're extremely helpful and your essay will not only get better, they'll help organize and cut it down for you.

Even since I was little I love to work with computers and I was curious about how they work and how can I fix them. -----I don't think this is a good way to begin, because LOTS of students talk about how they were so curious as a little kid... it is just so common.

When I was ten living in Markham I got my first computer. It wasn't new but was an old, used computer from the library where my mother worked. at .

The computer was not new and had nothing updated on it , so I decide to try to fix

On the night of the second day I was so excited because it actually work my computer did become more faster and didn't freeze when I was trying to open to program at once. ----Cool!! I like the story about how you worked on the computer. I just don't think you should start with that line:

Even since I was little I loved to ...

Use " " marks:
Teachers would always ask, "When you finish would you please help the other student understand the material?"

:-)