My love for music....Stanford Short essay 2

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate - and us - know you better

I am my music. More appropriately, my music represents my eclectic and eccentric nature. My love for country music even though I am black illustrates my 'weirdness' - not that I do not listen to hip hop and rap which are fairly customary for a black boy. I suppose you can say I am a fan of good music whether it's Taylor Swift, Paramore, Jay Z or Luther Vandross, if it is good music I do not bother about the 'brand name'.

Good Music. In my opinion, good music is that song which has the capability to create strong feelings. Whether it stimulates excitement, melancholy, ecstasy or nostalgia, it is one which triggers an emotion. As far back as I can remember I have always loved good music and my ipod has always been my most faithful companion. I have a playlist for almost everything ranging from excitement to melancholy, work to play. Music is my way of liberating my mind and soul, my antidote to a hot and strenuous day. I have not only learnt to appreciate it but to use it effectively. The eclectic nature of my kind of music has taught me to never judge people superficially but view them in depth.

I cannot describe myself in a little over 350 words but what I can enlighten you on is my passion for music and hope that it helps paint a near vivid image of me as a person. I cannot wait to meet you and equally exciting, I cannot wait to meet your ipod - Ok, may be not equally exciting - . I would like to try and define you by your type of music whether you're the 'romantic' or the 'realist'. I would like to know if we like similar songs or have conflicting opinions on some and if you are not into music, I could maybe teach you to love and appreciate it and maybe we could stay up late some night with some food trying to rate and enjoy good music.

I am my music. More accurately , my music represents my eclectic and eccentric nature. My love for country music, despite being black , illustrates my quirkiness (might be better word choice) - not that I do not listen to hip hop and rap, which are fairly customary for my culture? or stereotype? saying "boy" sounds out of place . I suppose one could say that I am a fan of good music, whether it's Taylor Swift, Paramore, Jay Z or Luther Vandross; if it is good music, I do not bother about the "brand name".

maybe say ...; I seek out good music, regardless of whether or not it carries a "brand name."

Good Music. (Are those two words necessary? they sound like a title, I would just take them out and start in this following sentence.) In my opinion, good music is a song that has the power to provoke strong feelings. Whether it stimulates excitement, melancholy, ecstasy or nostalgia, it is one which triggers an emotion. As far back as I can remember, I have always loved good music, and my iPod has always been my most faithful companion. I have a playlist for almost everything ranging from excitement to melancholy (this is repetitive from your earlier mention of emotions. try to think of two other contrasting words to put here!), work to play. Music is my way of liberating my mind and soul, my antidote to a hot and strenuous day. I have not only learned to appreciate it but to use it effectively. The eclectic (again, look for a new word!) nature of my style of music has taught me to never judge people superficially but instead to view them with depth.

The last paragraph needs some work as well, but I myself am working on essays at the moment. I like this theme, and you have skillfully written it. I just think you need to spend some more time reading over it to feel the flow of it and notice word repetition. With a bit of tweaking and a focus on excellent word choice, this will be an excellent essay! best of luck with stanford!

Maybe you could try to include more on why you're into great music so much... what has gotten you to love music so much more than an average person. Maybe include what music has done for you, or what you've done for music? Just some suggestions...

I agree with lyra88, it is always benifical to give a particular example in your essays. That shows that the topic is meaningful to you. Always remember to use an active voice when writing.

I can see you try to point out your uniqueness, which is a good thing, but it should comes more naturally and has more things to do with the school.

Thank you katie, I like the suggestions
I would work on adding examples.