'I love throwing' - Stanford Supplement Roommate Question

Stanford Roommate Essay
"Help your roommate - and us - get to know you better"

I love throwing. I compete in the shot put, discus, javelin, and hammer, and have traveled all over the United States to compete. I just love it! Spinning around and around and throwing with all my might releases the greatest amount of stress. Having an insanely busy schedule, from golf and track, to volunteering at a local theater, I've found I feel tons better when I go out and throw. It gives me a moment to not think about anything, except where and when to put my feet. Throwing offers me some sanity back into my life. I get to take a break from homework, tests, and chores. I've had the opportunity to meet Olympians and gold medalists while attending many camps to better myself in the throwing events. I am totally committed to this sport. I feel that in life, it helps to have something you're truly passionate about. Something you put all your energy into and help to forget about the madness of life. For me, that's throwing. I cannot wait to find out what you're truly passionate about. We have so many stories to share!

Is it ok? Feel free to edit and correct!!

Do you have any space left to add? I really like how straightforward the essay is, i just feel like it could use one more connection from throwing to your personality as a whole. Also, i think the camp reference is a little bit out of place, it doesn't really tell your roommate (or admissions officer) anything more about you.

Please edit my essay if you get a chance!

This is vague and does not tell admission officers nor potential roomates who YOU are.

I think you talked too little about your personality and focus too much on your sports. Maybe you're using this to show your vitality and willingness to share interest with your roommates ,but it tells little information about you except your interest.

You should write more about yourself as a person; your likes, personality, interests all put in one essay to draw a little sketch of your character.

It's good. But make sure you write more about YOU not throwing.. :)

ALL THE BEST!

PLEASE give me some feedback on both my essays. I really appreciate any sort of help! Thanks!

Throwing offers me some sanity back into my life----get rid of the "me"

I know what the other posters are getting at here...and it's true that you have talked more about throwing than anything else...however, ask yourself, would you appreciate receiving a similar letter from a future prospective roommate of yours'.

Why don't you keep the throwing intro and the effect it has on you, remove the bit about the olympian medalists and gold medals, and then go on to some other unique traits of your personality that your future roommate would want to know about you....

PLEASE READ MY COMMONAPP ESSAY...