'we made one united family' - University of Michigan supplemental

TOPIC: Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
"Everywhere we go
People wanna know
Who we are
Where we come from
So we tell them
We are the boarders
Mighty, mighty boarders"

At that point, as we paraded around Craig Oval, bellowing our traditional chants of intimidation, all eyes were on us as we took centre stage. The entirety of the school body watched on with envy as they dreamed what it would be like to be one of us, to be a part of something truly special. We topped the school hierarchy and everyone knew it. Towering above the rest of the school body both academically and on the sporting field, we were kings of the school. We were the boarders.

We consisted of boys from all over the globe, boys from family backgrounds like you couldn't even imagine, boys who were homosexual, bisexual, you name it. If the term "perfect diversity" ever existed, we defined it.

Yet, despite all of our differences we made one united family. It didn't matter what our interests were or what our race may have been, what mattered was that no matter what the circumstances were, when any member of our family needed our assistance we were there for them. A term I like to call "perfect comradeship".

I was just a solitary person, a part of something bigger than myself. I understand how blessed I was to have been a part of such a wonderful community, as I now understand the true meaning of "mateship" and what family really is all about.

I think it's really good! It's honest and the kind of essay that makes an impression!

"Wow" is really all I can say. There's something about your style of writing that makes it very, very memorable.

"I was just a solitary person, a part of something bigger than myself." This is the only part I wasn't so sure about - seems to me that "solitary person" and "something bigger than myself" kind of contradict each other. I get the gist of what you mean, but try rephrasing "solitary person". It feels a bit out of place.

Good luck!