WHY MADISON? It would find me a great gain to part of their community

vinnymj 3 / 6

Sep 28, 2014 #1

Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic, extracurricular, or research opportunities you would take advantage of as a student. If applicable, provide details of any circumstance that could have had an impact on your academic performance and/or extracurricular involvement.

I first heard of Madison University when I was doing a research paper about Harry Frederick Harlow and his famous experiments on maternal-separation, dependency needs, and social isolation on rhesus monkeys. When I concluded my research I immediately felt a desire to know more about the institution. I ask friends and friends of friends whom previously attended and visit the institution, they describe as an outstanding environment, with positive and friendly people. It was not enough for me to hear from others I wanted to experience and see with my own eyes what UW-Madison has to offer. So I decided to make an appointment for a tour once I got there I was shock, it was then I realize that University of madison was the school for me.

[...]

supreeth97 4 / 8

Sep 29, 2014 #2

In terms of grammar, the essay needs some work.
Your usage of sophisticated words is on par with other well-written papers!
And it seems like you may be employing some over-used or distasteful phrases.
Grade: 75* -> C

vangiespen - / 4077

Sep 29, 2014 #3

- Do you know more about how Frederick Harlow was influenced by the academic community of Madison? If you can make a connection between coming to understand that and the way you hope the university can influence you as well, you will have created an interesting opening statement that presents you are an inquiring mind that can bring further prestige to the university in the future.

~~As kid I always wanted to know more and more, [...] I could contribute without disregarding my education~~

- Instead of portraying yourself as a self taught person, talk about looking forward to working with their community instead. Explain what you have to come to understand about their closely knit student campus and how you feel that exposure to both the academic and social aspects of Madison will help you learn more in a balanced environment that offers equal priority to the academic and social development of its students.

As for extracurricular activities I would love to join the swimming club ...

- Only speak of your current extra curricular activities where you excel. If you are only interested in an activity but cannot offer the school anything that will enhance their team roster, they won't really be interested in hearing about it. Be truthful. Don't be afraid to tell them if you don't have any extra curricular activities that are related to sports. Talk of your true interests. Do not change yourself for the sake of admission to the school. You may find it difficult to defend in the event of an actual interview or fact checking by the admission officer.

OP vinnymj 3 / 6

Oct 1, 2014 #4

can u please tell me what you mean by "Explain what you have to come to understand about their closely knit student campus and how you feel that exposure to both the academic and social aspects of Madison will help you learn more in a balanced environment that offers equal priority to the academic and social development of its students."

as for the essay this is what I have so far

I first heard of Madison University when I was doing a research paper about Harry Frederick Harlow and his famous experiments on rhesus monkeys. Harlow was the first director of the Wisconsin Primate Research Center at the University. His famous work led to the university to be very prestigious. When I concluded my research I immediately felt a desire to know more about the institution. I believe I can be a great asset to UW-Madison and bring upon more prestigious and new leading research to the university.

Friends, who previously visit the institution, describe it with as a great environment, with positive and friendly people. It was not enough for me, I wanted to experience UW-Madison myself and what it has to offer. I attended the tour, when I arrive to the school I was impressed it was then I knew Madison was the school for me.

If accepted I would like to study chemistry and neuroscience since, my research of Harlow have intrigue me to know more about the brain.
In terms of research opportunity I would definitely take advantage of exploring and understanding the brain. Since im incline to explores and develop ways to transfer ones identity to a computer, by recording patterns of electrical signals. This is why I believe Madison is the best institution for me since their research facility is recognizing as one of the best worldwide, and have teachers that could be great mentors such as Mathew Jones that study the Mechanisms of inhibitory synaptic transmission.

In high school I had the chance to be in the swimming team though I didn't make big I love every aspect of water. So as for extracurricular activities I would love to join the swimming club where I could be part of something greater than myself, a team.

I think Madison would find me a great gain to part of their community where not only I could learn from the best but also see what I give to the school.

vangiespen - / 4077

Oct 2, 2014 #5

- Vinny, the essay is basically asking you to talk about your visit to the campus. I assume that you visited the campus prior to your application? You have to inform them about how you felt the university and its student community will be able to to assist you in your development as a student and as a person. What are the positive aspects of the academic and social community that you sensed during your visit? How do you plan to take advantage of the opportunity that is being offered to you on the academic and social side of your personality? Write what you can about your view of Madison academically and socially and I'll work with you to balance out the information in the way that the essay requires :-)

I first heard of Madison University when I was doing a research paper ...

- Vinny, try this on for size :-)
I first heard about Madison University when I came across Harry Frederick Harlow and his work on the Rhesus Monkeys. As the first director of the Wisconsin Primate Research Center at Madison, I became very keen to learn more about the science department of Madison in our times. What I discovered did not disappoint me. The cutting edge research done by the science department and the well known faculty members of today have only strengthened my desire to attend Madison in an effort to ensure that I receive only the best training and mentoring possible from my chosen academy of learning.

Friends, who previously visit the institution, describe it with as a great environment, with positive and friendly people....

- This is an excellent start to answering the prompt. However, your discussion is quite short. Refer to my guide questions above when you revise and add to the content of this paragraph.

If accepted I would like to study chemistry and neuroscience since, my research of Harlow ...

- This does not answer the prompt about the balanced academic society of Madison. I am thinking that you need to explain about how the research you will be doing along with your classmates will provide an excellent balance of academic and social growth since you will be spending most of your time with these students and thus, be developing your academic talents along with them.

In high school I had the chance to be in the swimming team though I didn't make big ...

- This has nothing to do at all with the social aspect of Madison. This sounds like a part of your old essay that you decided to throw in here because you had nothing to say about the social development you hope to undergo at the university. Here is what I suggest, look back to your campus visit. Remember the electricity that ran through the students on campus? What kind of people were milling on the grounds and not attending class? Why were they there? How do you think you would be able to socially integrate with them when you become a student? This will show the social development and balance that you can bring to the campus as a future student.