Im applying to colleges for the first time and I don't know if this is good enough, any advice or corrections would be appreciated.
Prompt: In 500 words, tells us about what makes you, you. What are your strengths, weaknesses, and your motivation? What separates you from any other applicant? How do you think Howard University will increase your strengths and diminish your weaknesses?
MY ESSAY
As the first child out of three, I regularly hear, "Unwana, your siblings are looking up to you, be a good big brother." and I know I have a lot of work to do. It is a big responsibility being the first child, because you are trying your best not to disappoint your parents and at the same time be a role model for your siblings
My strengths? Through out my years in high school I have held high positions in both the student council and on my soccer team. These positions have made it easier for me to work with others. I also acquired leadership skills from the positions I have held, and these skills I believe will be very beneficial in the distant future and near future. I am a very optimistic person I see a positive outcome in the most hopeless of situations, and good, in the most cold hearted people.
I have to admit that although I have all these traits, I still have weaknesses. I find it difficult to balance my schoolwork and my other responsibilities, it's either I do exceptionally well in one area, and then I don't do so well in the other. This posed as a problem for me because I am the soccer team's best finisher, so I have to try as much as I can to make each practice, but I have schoolwork that is very time demanding and so I am usually in a fix on what to do. This is where I believe Howard University will be an important factor in my growth, because I know the Howard system is not all work and no play, it blends both education and sports. I love sports, so my participation in sports and the intensity of my coursework will increase my responsibility level, so the balancing of my activities will be made a whole lot easier, and I would have developed new time management and life skills through Howard University.
My main motivation is my desire to be successful. I come from a country where the people are suffering, and the wealthy, do not pay attention to those suffering; instead they only think about how to increase their wealth at the expense of the poor. If I am successful, I will be able to reach out to these people in need, and a Howard education is going to prepare me to reach that level of success where I can comfortably help people in need, and change lives.
What separates me from any other applicant, I know I am always willing to learn, whatever time I have I'm either reading a book, practicing my soccer or doing homework. I don't waste my time on things that will not benefit me.
Acceptance into Howard will just be the first step for me to be able to reach out and touch lives in as many ways as I can.
in my opinion,when you talk about your strenghts,you shouldn't always compare like in this sentence:"Many times we only see the faults in the actions of people, but I am proud to say that I see the good in people instead of criticizing them on their actions".i think it is better to attract the attention on your strenghts and not to compare with what others people do.it may sounds arrogant to some readers.
I think that you should include a sentence that essentially says that although at times you struggle with balancing school and extracurriculars, you have addressed this weakeness head on by developing a mechanism or system that enables you to more successfully find balance. I think you should not simply say that this is a weakeness, you have to show that you are taking the initiative to resolve it.
school and extracurricular,activities.
An example of a problem posed is I amAs the soccer team's best finisher, so I have to try as much as I can to make each practice, but I have school work which
