Should I make it more personalized?Extra Curricular Common App Entry:

"Why don't we do something about it?" offered our adviser. It was a despondent junior winter and this comment invigorated everyone still in the club room. We were the last girls in the group to stay behind and discuss the Op-Ed reaction to the MLK Day dinner earlier in the week. We spoke about how to address the tension stereotypes brought to our community. Diversity, not only pertaining to race, although that is very important to our group, is Exeter's strong suit. We organized our ideas into a presentation for our school principal two months later and presented ourselves as the Exonian Encounter Committee; the support of the principal ensued. Our goal is to let the school know that "diversity" is important to us, and that more should be done for us to have the ultimate "child from every corner" experience that I know I personally came to pursuit. I am continually learning first hand how far shared fervor can take a cause.

Just to be clear, this is the reply to the 1000 character EC prompt right?

3rd line. : Diversity, not only pertaining to race, although that is very important to our group, is Exeter's strong suit
Maybe its just me but to me this sounds a little weird and id probably change it to something like this? --- Diversity, not only pertaining to race, which too is very important to our group, is Exeter's strong suit.

2nd last line : pursuit Change it to pursue.

Now I could be wrong, but thats where i felt the mistakes were.

Hope this helped. :)
All the best!