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Maria and father - FSU Essay.



AGilberti1 /  
Oct 13, 2009   #1
Start to my FSU essay. Let me know how it is so far.

-For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

"Mores" the Latin word meaning - character, custom, or tradition. "Mores" is the glue that builds me up and that holds me together; it is the foundation of my being, my families being. Growing up with a strong Brazilian-Italian background, I am rooted with not only a strong sense of character, but also tradition. One of my favorite traditions passed down generation by generations in the Gilberti family, is the making of the cappelletti. Traced back to the late 1800s, when my great-great-grandparents, my grandmother, Maria, and my grandfather, Augusto, moved from the northern region of Italy to Brazil. The story of my family centers greatly around the cappelletti, the dish of Modena and Forli in Northern Italy, where Augusto and Maria originated from.

The tradition began when my great-grandfather, Adolpho, married my great-grandmother, Nilza. For the first year of their marriage they lived with Augusto and Maria, in Marias pension (bed and breakfast). Maria did all the cooking,

EF_Team  [Moderator] 41 / 219  
Oct 13, 2009   #2
FSU Essay. NEED CORRECTIONS AND HELP ASAP.

Suspended for ignoring the thread title rules.

EF
mikesperry79 2 / 9  
Oct 13, 2009   #3
I think you are off to a good start and this a great paragraph. However, I do not think I would use this as the introduction. This paragraph does a great job of showing the reader what "mores" means to you, but the introduction should introduce the reader to all three words. I would use this paragraph in the body, and define the other two words in a way that relates to you as well.

"Mores" is the glue that builds me up and that holds me together

I think this is a great line, but I would leave out "builds me up."

foundation of my being, my families being.

"foundation of my being, and my family's being."

when my great-great-grandparents, my grandmother, Maria, and my grandfather, Augusto

You describe them as your great-great-grandparents, but then you you say grandmother and grandfather. I would leave grandmother and grandfatehr out and simply state their namees, since you already told us their relation to you once in the sentence.

The story of my family centers greatly around the cappelletti, the dish of Modena and Forli in Northern Italy, where Augusto and Maria originated from.

The story of my family is greatly centered around cappelletti, which is a dish from Modena and Forli in Northern Italy where Augusto and Maria originated from.

I am not an expert writer, but hopefully you find this somewhat helpful.


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