Unaware of the rigors of the program, I was pressured by my parents and peers to enter the Model United Nations (MUN) at school, which required that I participate in debates. After struggling through two weeks of class, I desperately wanted to drop it. All the students were confident and assertive, and unafraid to express themselves; I, on the other hand, was lonely, shy, and lacking in self-esteem. In time, however, I began to overcome my fear of other people's opinions of me, and eventually conquered my apprehension about public speaking. The conferences we attended over weekends and during school gave me an opportunity to meet new people and to see the various ways people express themselves in speech and thought. Vocalizing my assertions became second nature, as long as I had done my research well and was fully prepared. There was no need to fear anything--least of all myself.
-Maria Ho
Following my stint in MUN, I pursued more experience in debate by narrowing focus from the international arena to issues that struck closer to home. I founded the Junior Statesmen of America (JSA) chapter at my school. By doing so, I was able to continue pursuing my passion for the subjects I care about the most: leading and inspiring debate on important topics, and involvement in the political world. Most important of all, I was afforded the opportunity to help others get engaged with the issues that affect our nation. I still run this chapter today.
My interest in communications didn't stop there. I decided to join C-HIGH TV, a new broadcasting program that airs every day at my school. I became one of the main anchors. The preparation was always painstaking, but worth the effort. This experience led to my decision to pursue a career in mass communications in college.
Mass communications today are no longer limited to the verbal domain, as technology and visual expression have become inextricably tied to global communications. To gain experience in the more technical aspects of communication, I successfully applied to the school's yearbook team and trained myself in the use of design programs such as InDesign and Photoshop, later taking the skills with me to the Southeast Regional Occupation Program, in which I honed my skills in expert graphic design. These abilities give me a firm foundation in mass communications that I am eager to build upon in a university program.
Even after participating in the Girl Scouts program for more than nine years, I didn't see myself as one of the girls who were outspoken and opinionated. Currently, as Senior Girl Scouts, my troop and others are in charge of organizing activities to help the younger girls learn and experience more about themselves, as well as helping others, demonstrating skills and similar pursuits. I participated in all these endeavors, but I did not perform in a leadership role within the troop.
As the founder of our school's Junior Statesmen of America chapter, I have learned a lot about people, and myself. Over my academic career and through my various experiences in public speaking, I have developed an aptitude for acting professionally and diplomatically, along with an ability to effectively communicate my opinions, especially in debate situations. In my junior year, many arguments and conflicts arose from the different perspectives of the cabinet officers. All of us in the chapter were new, including our club advisor, who had no previous experience with JSA. In the end, we all learned something about each other, and ourselves.
Now, JSA has improved greatly from last year. This year we have co-advisors, and more understanding and helpful officers. It definitely takes experience to make an organization better. I cannot say that it has been an easy job to maintain the stability of a new club on campus, or to make certain that all tasks are completed. However, it has been one of the greatest lessons of my high school career.
My experience with JSA has helped me learn to believe in people, while exercising caution at the same time. Moreover, it has given me confidence in public speaking and organizing events for club members, and the ability to apply this to my whole life. Now in Girl Scouts, I am no longer afraid to speak up or advise, or to raise questions about upcoming events and projects. So from this long trail of experience, I believe I can contribute leadership. I believe in myself and have the confidence to guide others along their own paths of self-discovery.
Greetings, Maria--
These are very well-written essays! I tweaked a few things, but they didn't need much improvement in my opinion.
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Another well-written essay, although I did make a few more changes this time. See what you think.
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Wow! You and your family have certainly had some traumatic experiences. I hope things are better now.
I would strongly advise you to take out the part I placed in brackets. I am not sure that the events you describe should be made public. I can see how such revelations would affect you deeply; maybe you could describe them in more general terms (a serious business setback, or something like that). I understand that you want to convey the serious difficulties you have overcome, but I think that the people who read this might be uncomfortable knowing the details you described.
As to the question of explaining your grades . . . hmmm. Was it for different reasons than the ones you stated in your essay? If your grades are likely to have an effect on your admission status (and they probably are), I would listen to your counselor's advice. You may be able to make a smooth connection between the effects of moving overseas and the drop in your grades, even if moving wasn't the only factor. If length of the essay is a problem, I'd advise you to shorten the section on the different schools you attended. I am not sure that listing them by name and giving details about them is helpful. It might be enough to say you attended 5 schools in however many years it was, and what cities they were in (and include the country where Cerrito is located).
I hope these suggestions help. Best of luck to you!
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Greetings!
You have written a wonderful essay! I have only a few small corrections to suggest:
"the schools' yearbook" - if you mean one school, it's "school's"; and I think this sentence is too long. Try cutting it in half: "To gain experience in the more technical aspects of communication, I successfully applied to the school's yearbook team and trained myself in the use of design programs such as InDesign and Photoshop. I later took those skills with me to the Southeast Regional Occupation Program graphic design class, in which I honed my skills in expert graphic design."
"well- researched" - remove the space before "researched."
"C-HIGH TV is then in charge of digitally presents this event and other city-organized events on local channels for the community's viewing update." - I think you may have meant "presenting."
"given topics like in MUN." - say "as" instead of "like"
You have definitely demonstrated your ability to organize thoughts and express yourself clearly. Good job!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
