I'm pretty sure this goes in this section, I'm new, so if it doesn't feel free to move it.
I'm a junior in highschool, and I have to write an essay for application to this Governor's School program. It is for a 4 week program during the summer to a certain Governor's School. (In my case its the Engineering one.) It has to be 200-250 words, and it has to indicate why we wish to attend the certain Governor's School.
This is my essay, its 228 words:
Since I was in third grade I knew that I wanted to do something with mathematics. During my time in high-school I have been introduced to several mathematical courses, such as Physics and Calculus, that I found intriguing and fun. I also have been attracted to technology since I was very little. When I was looking at possible majors for college, I was instantly attracted to the ones concerning Engineering. By studying Engineering as my major in college, I could also pursue a career in Engineering as well. I would love to use my interest in math and technology in my future career to work on improving the world through Engineering.
I would like to go to Rutgers School of Engineering because this would introduce me to the college studies of Engineering. I would like to experience the course as well as the challenges of being in such a program. This program would expose me to how the major would be once I get to college. It would influence me in that I would see what the schedule is like, and it would also show me how I should prepare for the major during my last two years of high school. Overall, this program would be an excellent experience that I would love to be a part of and would be an excellent influence on my life.
Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thank you.
I think you have a good start here. I have a couple of suggestions for you:
By studying Engineering as my major in college, I could also pursue a career in Engineering as well. - It's best to avoid stating the obvious. This really goes without saying.
I would love to use my interest in math and technology in my future career to work on improving the world through Engineering. - I think you should provide a little more detail about how you envision your future. I realize it's early yet for you to decide specifics, but if you could at least give some of your ideas about how you might "improve the world through engineering" it would help them to understand your aspirations better, and make you stand out from the other candidates. Also, don't capitalize "engineering" unless it's part of a title, as in "College of Engineering."
This program would expose me to how the major would be once I get to college. - This is a little awkward. You could say "expose me to the rigors of the major" or something like that.
Best of luck in your studies!