Prompt: Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?
Short Response: When my mother and father decided to go on a cruise in the beginning of my senior year, they decided to test my independence by allowing me to stay home alone. During these two weeks, I spent most of my time with a friend and his family. It was during this time that I realized the great cultural difference that exists between myself and one of my closest friends. The two weeks I spent away from my family, allowed me to observe the differences between my traditional Persian family and the conservative Chinese customs of my friend's family. The most noticeable lifestyle adjustment that I made during my two week hiatus from my family was in my diet. Persian flatbread is a staple at our table; it graces our table during breakfast, lunch and dinner. However, with my temporary move to a new culture, I picked up a new habit of drenching everything I ate with oyster sauce. By the end the second week, I was eating sandwiches, fish, steak and even macaroni and cheese with a healthy dose of oyster sauce. Tea plays an imperative role in both Chinese and Persian culture. Even though Persians live off black tea, and green tea is the Chinese favorite, we all agreed that there is no better way to end a meal than a cup of freshly brewed tea. Perhaps the greatest difference between Persian and Chinese cuisine are the variations of rice. In Persian cuisine, basmati rice, richly fused with saffron, is the choice of most families, while glutinous rice, also called "sticky rice," is preferred in Chinese cuisine. Although this change was delicious and appreciated, I comfortably settled back into basmati rice soon after my parents arrived. At the end of my stay, not only did I understand my friend's customs, but I had created a stronger bond between us. Through this culture hopping experience, I not only discovered that I must explore other ethnicities to build stronger relationships, but also that no matter where I would be placed, I would always be Persian.
Please help! is there anything I should change/add/remove? Thanks in advance.
Food is really a great way of unifying cultures. I like the fact that you focus a lot on the details because it shows your perceptive nature. However, you emphasize perhaps too much on mere facts. Wouldn't it be nice if you talked about why cultures do that?
"green tea is the Chinese favorite" Why? Talk about the origins of green tea and the difference between that and black tea.
Also, you don't want your essay to sound like a culinary lesson. Balance your observations with analysis.
Now carve out some paragraphs. The first paragraph should end with a sentence that tells the main idea of the essay.
You should probably end paragraph 1 here:
...customs of my friend's family.
Start paragraph 2 with:
The most noticeable lifestyle adjustment that I made during my two week hiatus from my family was in my diet.
After that, write a paragraph all about how it changed you.
