Prompt: What matters to you, and why? (100 to 250 words)
This essay matters to me. After all, it's for Stanford, the sanctuary for intellects from all over the world; to enter this realm, I had to challenge myself to fashion a window for my thoughts, framing my values onto a mere 250 words. Recognizing the difficulty of such a task, I decided to spend a few weeks jotting down ideas on a piece of scratch paper before writing the actual essay.
This was a fresh experience for me; it forced me to closely examine and identify everything that mattered to me. As I continued this process, I started to notice the small aspects of my life that had significance in its own unique way: headphones I wear to school every day, a complete set of Calvin and Hobbes, a good-luck bracelet from a Japanese festival...I soon found myself excited at each rediscovery, the list expanding to a grand total of 183 items. But as I accumulated ideas, I began to wonder if the essay meant more to me than a potential ticket to my dream school.
I then realized how important the very experience of writing down the list was. Through this process, I discovered that I valued self-reflection; the conscious act of giving meaning to each object was meaningful in and of itself. The essay was a valuable learning opportunity for me to stop and think about what I value in my life, to understand how I perceive myself through my mind's window.
Does this answer the prompt at all? Please help me edit! Thanks!
Hi, Kisakina
Here are some advices I want to give you.
As I continued (began) this process, I started to notice the small aspects of my life that had significance in its own unique way: headphones(that) I wear to school every day, a complete set of Calvin and Hobbes, (and) a good-luck bracelet from a Japanese festival...
(However,)But as I accumulated ideas, I began to wonder if the essay meant more to me than a potential ticket to my dream school.
I then became realized (that) how important the very experience of writing down the list was.
The essay was a valuable learning opportunity for me to stop and think about what I value in my life, (and/ so as to) to understand how I perceive myself through my mind's window.
Hiromu,. while there are no right or wrong answers to this essay prompt, it is also important that you do not come across as a suck up in the essay. So saying that this essay is important to you because it is for submission to Stanford does not gain you any extra points with the reviewer. That statement doesn't matter to him and you just wasted your valuable word count.
Neither did the rest of your essay deliver a response that tells the reviewer something about you as a person. You need to go beyond the superficial and go for the really intellectual, emotional, or social aspects of the prompt. What matters most to you and why? The question asks you to reflect upon your life. As a person who has experiences X number of years alive, what have you learned to value in your life? Or the lives of others? Think seriously about your response.
The essay prompt will give the reviewer an insight as to the kind of person you are and if you have any positive personal values that will be an asset to the university. Are you the kind of person who will be a good addition to their roster of students? That can only be determined by the kind of person you are beyond academic rankings and academic pursuits. What matters to you? In terms of principle, goals, virtues, etc. Those are the kinds of response that you should be developing for the essay.
Your current response is superficial and does not help your application in any way. Try to revise it to create a more serious aspect of your personality, then you will have a chance to create the response that will work best for the prompt.
Hi, vangiespen!
I find you are very nice and willing to contribute. My friends rebonboncase also benefit a lot from your advices. Could you help me with my essays? I would be very grateful for your reply. Thank youO(∩_∩)O~
Thank you vangiespen!
I went back to the drawing board and came up with this idea. Would you mind proofreading?
The world was ending soon.
December 2012 was fast approaching; I tried to laugh off the Mayan myth, but deep down, I was scared. I still wanted to accomplish so much more in my life-I was too young to die. But time was running out; as certain death loomed closer each day, instead of grieving what I lacked in my life (maybe this clause can be moved to somewhere else?) , I decided to cherish what I already have.
Faced with the imminent apocalypse, I realized I was taking miracles for granted; I had a loving family, a stable Wi-Fi connection, access to clean water, friends I could trust, a complete set of Calvin and Hobbes, days of sunshine, a warm bed with a teddy bear, and much, much more. I was grateful for everything that was given to me; I felt at ease, knowing that I had lived a fulfilling life. I resolved to appreciate my final days on Earth by living them to the fullest so I that can die with no regrets.
While I was lucky enough to survive the near-death experience, my resolve(resolution?) remains true to this day (awkward phrasing?) ; acknowledging that my life is blessed with many opportunities, I learned to seize the gift by working hard every day. I admit that embracing gratitude can be difficult sometimes, especially in times of bitter failure. But I persist to express gratitude in my life, because it reminds me that I already have enough to be happy. (weak conclusion?)
I hope this answer gives more insight to my personality; but I am unsure. Does this work?
Hiromu, try to create a better opening for the statement. Start it off with something that will tell the reviewer about what he is going to be reading in the response. I would have started off the essay this way:
As the end of December 2012 loomed over me, I could not help but think back to the Hollywood movie "2012" and the actual Mayan calendar that movie was based on. It was during this time of fretting, worry, and uncertainty that I came to realize what was most important to me. I valued my life and what had become of it so far...
By creating an interesting opening statement that eases the reviewer into the essay, you will be able to successfully lay the foundation for the discussion while also offering an immediate insight into the kind of person that you are. I know that there is a word limitation to the response but at this point, you need to start writing longer and then editing it to become shorter. Don't limit your response just yet. If you do that, it will be difficult to tailor your response to the impressive requirements of the given prompt. So write long, then I'll help you bring it down in word count :-)
Thanks for the review!
I tried to work with the opening, but I didn't understand what you meant by "laying the foundation for discussion". Can you elaborate?
I'm also worried that my conclusion is a bit weak. Any suggestions?
The world was ending soon.
Apocalypse seemed inevitable as December 2012 approached ever closer. As a gullible teenager, I was fully convinced of the Mayan prophecy, my mind flashing back to the horrific scenes of massive earthquakes and tsunamis from the Hollywood movie. And yet, even in the midst of the despair, I persevered to find hope within myself; faced with the imminent catastrophe, I began to find virtue in gratitude, realizing that my life was full of blessings and that I was taking these miracles for granted.
I had a loving family, a stable Wi-Fi connection, access to clean water, an upright piano, friends I could trust, a complete set of Calvin and Hobbes, days of sunshine, Youtube, a warm bed with a teddy bear, and much, much more.I was astonished by the abundance of treasures I had overlooked. I soon became grateful for everything that was given to me; I felt at ease, knowing that I had lived a fulfilling life. I resolved to appreciate the precious days on Earth by living them to the fullest so I that can die with no regrets.
While I was lucky enough to survive the near-death experience, my resolve still remains true.My life is filled with opportunities and I sought to recognize them; because every day was a blessing, I learned to seize the gift by working hard in order to make them count. I admit that embracing this virtue can be difficult sometimes, especially in times of bitter failure. But I persist to express gratitude in my life, because it reminds me that I already have enough to be happy.
Hey! You're a strong writer, but i'd have to agree with a few of the other people who posted above. I think you should consider writing a new essay as this one does not show the reviewer much about you as an individual.
Hiromu, "laying the foundation" means that you will prepare a person for a coming event, discussion, or action which he will have to deal with upon coming in contact with it. In this case, that means preparing him for your response to the prompt :-) I have some grammar corrections to make in your essay. Please refer to the corrections below:
The A apocalypse seemed inevitable as December 2012 approached inched ever closer. As a gullible teenager, I was fully convinced of the Mayan prophecy, my mind flashing back to the horrific scenes of massive earthquakes and tsunamis from the Hollywood movie of the same name. And y Yet, even in the midst of the despair, I persevered to find hope within myself; faced with the imminent catastrophe, I began to find virtue in gratitude, realizing that my life was full of blessings and that I was taking these miracles for granted.
... I felt at ease, knowing that I had lived a fulfilling full life. I resolved to appreciate the precious remaining days on Earth by living them to the fullest so I that can die with no regrets.
... because every day was is a blessing, I learned to seize the gift by working hard in order to make them count. I admit that embracing this virtue can be difficult sometimes, especially in times of bitter failure. But I persist to express in expressing gratitude in throughout my life, because it reminds me that I already have enough to be happy.
Just apply the corrections as indicated above and the essay will be set for use ;-)
Thank you for your help!