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"I had to be mentally strong": The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores"



ayjayjay2 1 / -  
Sep 15, 2010   #1
The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

let me know how this is...
its my first draft so theres gonna be errors

Through my entire life I have had to be strong and I don't mean physical power, I mean mentally. I have gone through many difficult situations in my existence. My mom has always been an addictive and controlling person and sometimes she took her rage out through physical violence. Being the oldest daughter I did most of the defending which in return got me the most damage done. However, my dad was there to protect us from her outbursts. However, when I was only nine my father, our protector, passed away. He was my hero, the most compassionate man in the world, and I was devastated. I could have completely fallen apart after that but I was forced to stick it out and hold my composure for my three siblings and mom. From that day on, I had to mature quickly. I never lost focus on the important things, with school being my number one priority. Even through the days following my dad's death I didn't miss a day. Sadly, as I was trying to keep the house together my mom was slowly pulling everything apart with sudden addictions and more abuse. Finally, we all realized our mom was too mentally unwell to reside with anymore and we finally gained the strength to speak up. She was arrested for only a day and then she was back in the house once more. She wanted to get away from everything so she told us we were moving away from our family and friends to a remote place in North Florida.

At the age of thirteen when I was very connected to my friends, this was another very difficult situation for me and life as I knew it was changing again. Things just got worse from there and I had to speak up again and told my guidance counselor I was too afraid to go home. My siblings agreed and that night we stayed in a facility full of kids without parents. Getting through all of that took so much determination, hope, and strength and it finally paid off because we now live with my aunt and uncle which is a wonderful place to be. Going through what I went through in my life has made me the intelligent, strong, adaptable, and courageous person I am today and I am thankful for that.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Sep 18, 2010   #2
This essay is strong. It is bad that you went through this suffering, but you always will have it as a source of strength, and this essay is an example. It is absolutely convincing and powerful.

Here is my only thing I can offer you...
the way to use a comma for a compound sentence.
When you use a conjunction to put 2 sentences together as a compound sentence, it is best to use a comma:
Things just got worse from there , and I had to speak...

Going through what I went through in my life has made me the intelligent, strong, adaptable, and courageous person I am today , and I am thankful for that.

Through my entire life I have had to be strong, and I don't mean physical power; I mean mentally.


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