Merging both medicine and business; doctor - person you dream of becoming - Syracuse Supp

Who is the person you dream of becoming and how can Syracuse help you accomplish this?

I dream of being a person that helps to shape the future of health care by merging both medicine and business. Becoming a doctor has always been my passion but I realized that something needs to be done about the healthcare system. Emergency room visits have dramatically increased in the past decade. These patients that have been rushed to the hospital after neglecting their health issues for years are forced to pay much more than they would have if they had tended to their well-being sooner. This is a problem that impacts my neighborhood and I want to do something about it. Syracuse University is a reputable institution in both business and medicine. It can help me realize those dreams by exposing me to business classes where I can learn more about the healthcare system. Also Syracuse can connect me to health professionals and business professionals that I can ask questions and receive advice.

SHOW instead of telling.
You can start off with a vivid image of a person being rushed into the hospital. A doctor/administration describing the patients case. This shows the problems in the health care system. You can continue and say this is not an anomaly in todays health care and then talk about how you picture yourself at syracuse, sitting in your desk in a business class. finding the perfect balance between business and health care.

Thank you ! Is my current essay well-written? Syracuse really isn't really my top choice (not to sound rude)

I dream of being a person that helps to shape the future of health care by merging both medicine and business.

This is my suggestion;
My dream is to become someone who has the ability to reshape the future of healthcare using a merged approach of both medicine and business.

Becoming a doctor has always been my passion but I realized that something needs to be done about theimproving the healthcare system.

These patientsPatients whothat have been rushed to the hospital afteras a result of their negligence overneglecting their health issues for years are forced to pay much more than they would have if they had tended totook good care of their well-being sooner.health.