U of Michigan- LSA Essay

What led you to choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what areas are you most interested in, and why? Approximately 250 words.

Why do objects fall? What are the fundamental building blocks of nature? What created the Universe; was it created? These are just a few of the copious questions, which I have pondered, and continue to ponder. I have decided to peruse the study of physics because through the study of physics I have found a path, which brings me, closer to the answers I seek.

For as long as I can remember I have been inquisitive into axioms behind things, always asking teachers, why does this happen. This relentless questioning aside from exasperating my teachers led me to contemplate what governs things on the most fundamental level. As I went through school, I discovered that the answers to my questions came through the study of science, specifically physics. Yes, biology answered some questions, and chemistry answered a few more; however, biology and chemistry never answered questions on the fundamental level. For those answers, I realized I must turn to physics.

Having discovered that physics offered an avenue to the answers of my questions, I began on a journey to learn physics. I therefore participated in programs like the Michigan Math and Science Scholars, where under the tutelage of Professor Dave Winn I took the first serious steps on my journey of enlightenment. Like Isaac Newton, I view myself as standing on the beach as the ocean of truth and knowledge flows by my side. By perusing education in physics, I hope that I will be able to dive deeper into that ocean of knowledge and unveil the great laws that govern our universe.

263/250 words

Any help or advice on any aspect of my essay would be greatly appreciated.

This is a bit too general. You like physics. That's great. And you're right, it is the most fundamental science. Physics underlies chemistry, which in turn underlies biology. That's why we need physics, intellectually speaking. But why are you passionate about it? Are you passionate about it? I can't tell from the essay. You want to dive deeper into a ocean of knowledge, but what part of that ocean most interests you? What questions specifically do you want to work on? Be more specific, and your essay will become stronger.

I think your introduction is great, because it both draws me in as a reader and shows me that you really are passionate about physics. But, what do you want to do with the answers to your questions? As the poster above said, you need to be more specific.

Also - watch out for the commas! This essay is filled with commas, many of them in the wrong place, and that can be very distracting.