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As a middle school lacrosse player I loved Syracuse.

LZ_XC 1 / -  
Oct 4, 2016   #1
1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
Need help with flow of essay (not a good writer in any means)

As a middle school lacrosse player I loved Syracuse. The lacrosse team was unbeatable which fueled my dreams to go to Syracuse. Each time Syracuse was on television, I copied their dodges and looked up drills, such as the Syracuse shooting drill. In high school I found out that Syracuse was the perfect fit for me. The East Coast is my favorite part of the United States not only for lacrosse, but for amazing academic opportunities and beautiful scenery. Syracuse's students are people who want to work hard but also have fun on the weekends by attending athletic events. I thought I never would have had a chance on getting into Syracuse. I thought the school was Ivy level until my college planner sent me a list of recommended colleges. When I saw Syracuse on that list I was ecstatic. I was influenced by lacrosse first, then came my interests in computers. I saw that Syracuse's Computer Science program was one of the top programs in the nation. I gained even more interest in Syracuse because of this. My interests in computers, athletics, and nature allowed me to find Syracuse as the perfect niche for me.

What else can I do to make my essay sound better?
admission2012 - / 481 90  
Oct 5, 2016   #2

In order to have an effective essay, you need to provide proof. You must back up each statement with actual facts that show you have done your research. Saying that Syracuse has an amazing computer science program doesn't show the admissions committee that you really know about the program. Provide facts about every assertion in your essay and then it will be more believable. - selective admissions

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