I wrote this essay yesterday and I'm not sure if it's a good essay or idea to go on at least.
Any tips/critiques would be appreciated!
Here is the essay:
As an only child, I've never known what it's like to go to a big brother or sister and ask for advice or learn from their actions. My uncle, Christian, who's nine years older than I am, is the closest in age to me in my family and has embraced being the "older brother" figure throughout the course of my life. Although there is such a large age difference, he and I have more in common than you might think, so for as long as I can remember, he's been the one to guide me through any obstacles that I have come across in life.
Eight months into the course of my freshman year of high school and in the midst of Track season, I was told that I was moving from Dana Point, California, a beachfront city that I had fallen in love with, back to San Antonio, Texas, my hometown and the city that I'd grown to despise. My then fifteen-year-old brain couldn't fathom why this was happening and the mix of emotions I felt on the matter was heartbreaking. I was devastated, angry, and willing to do whatever it took to stay in California. Needless to say, for the remaining two months of school, I slumped around like a heavy sack of potatoes, displaying how unhappy I was to the world. However, my uncle was the one to knock some sense into me and lend me his shoulder to cry on when I thought my world was ending. When no one else was able to dispatch the memo that this, in fact, was not the worst thing in the world, he was able to reassure me that I would make new friends and excel even in new surroundings when the time came. He was there when I needed him the most and he's the reason why I made the remaining time I had in California count. With this experience, he taught me that things in life happen and even though you may not be able to control it, you should make the best of it. So, from then on, with his support, I did the best I could to make every little instance count. From a beachside dinner with my mother to an all day backpacking adventure through Dana Point with my best friends, no amount of time I had left there went to waste.
When those two short months passed and the warm summer breeze engulfed the little city I called home for five years, it was time to start packing. Holding back tears as I packed my life away was almost as hard as initially hearing the news. Again, my uncle was there to lean on when I couldn't bear to put another one of my belongings in a box. He was the one to take me to the beach to get my mind away from all the stress I was feeling and finally appreciate the beauty that I was leaving. When the day finally came to leave Dana Point, it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be because he'd kept me strong the whole way through. As the move became a longer and more stressful process, my uncle kept me laughing throughout the one thousand three hundred mile journey back to Texas. When I arrived in San Antonio, not only was I overwhelmed with an immense feeling of humidity, but of joy to see my family waiting for me with nothing but smiles.
What I thought was a major roadblock was actually a blessing in disguise and now, at eighteen, I see in my day-to-day life that his assurance helped me change me for the better. I'm able to embrace change because he taught me that sometimes the very last thing that you want to happen happens but you have to accept it and move on. He changed the way I perceive life and to this day, he still teaches me lessons when I face a challenge. My uncle is not an uncle to me, but he's my big brother. He has always been the one to protect me and guide me when no one else could get through to me. Even now, he's the one who takes me back to California to visit the city I miss everyday.
Any tips/critiques would be appreciated!
Here is the essay:
As an only child, I've never known what it's like to go to a big brother or sister and ask for advice or learn from their actions. My uncle, Christian, who's nine years older than I am, is the closest in age to me in my family and has embraced being the "older brother" figure throughout the course of my life. Although there is such a large age difference, he and I have more in common than you might think, so for as long as I can remember, he's been the one to guide me through any obstacles that I have come across in life.
Eight months into the course of my freshman year of high school and in the midst of Track season, I was told that I was moving from Dana Point, California, a beachfront city that I had fallen in love with, back to San Antonio, Texas, my hometown and the city that I'd grown to despise. My then fifteen-year-old brain couldn't fathom why this was happening and the mix of emotions I felt on the matter was heartbreaking. I was devastated, angry, and willing to do whatever it took to stay in California. Needless to say, for the remaining two months of school, I slumped around like a heavy sack of potatoes, displaying how unhappy I was to the world. However, my uncle was the one to knock some sense into me and lend me his shoulder to cry on when I thought my world was ending. When no one else was able to dispatch the memo that this, in fact, was not the worst thing in the world, he was able to reassure me that I would make new friends and excel even in new surroundings when the time came. He was there when I needed him the most and he's the reason why I made the remaining time I had in California count. With this experience, he taught me that things in life happen and even though you may not be able to control it, you should make the best of it. So, from then on, with his support, I did the best I could to make every little instance count. From a beachside dinner with my mother to an all day backpacking adventure through Dana Point with my best friends, no amount of time I had left there went to waste.
When those two short months passed and the warm summer breeze engulfed the little city I called home for five years, it was time to start packing. Holding back tears as I packed my life away was almost as hard as initially hearing the news. Again, my uncle was there to lean on when I couldn't bear to put another one of my belongings in a box. He was the one to take me to the beach to get my mind away from all the stress I was feeling and finally appreciate the beauty that I was leaving. When the day finally came to leave Dana Point, it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be because he'd kept me strong the whole way through. As the move became a longer and more stressful process, my uncle kept me laughing throughout the one thousand three hundred mile journey back to Texas. When I arrived in San Antonio, not only was I overwhelmed with an immense feeling of humidity, but of joy to see my family waiting for me with nothing but smiles.
What I thought was a major roadblock was actually a blessing in disguise and now, at eighteen, I see in my day-to-day life that his assurance helped me change me for the better. I'm able to embrace change because he taught me that sometimes the very last thing that you want to happen happens but you have to accept it and move on. He changed the way I perceive life and to this day, he still teaches me lessons when I face a challenge. My uncle is not an uncle to me, but he's my big brother. He has always been the one to protect me and guide me when no one else could get through to me. Even now, he's the one who takes me back to California to visit the city I miss everyday.
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