I was miraculously admitted to my first choir after being dragged to the audition by my best friend.

Um..I'm approaching my deadlines and I really need some help for this. I can't seem to come up with an appropriate ending and the total word count is already 141. Please help me out!

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In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

Can anyone help me see if this is ok? The word count's 149. :P

"What? Me? No way! Singing is not for me!" I was miraculously admitted to my first choir after being dragged to audition. At first, I felt awkward "singing with technique", but as time went by, I was greatly influenced by the vibrant atmosphere - everyone was so devoted to singing that I wanted so much to be part of the community, too. Gradually, I learned to appreciate a variety of music works such as those in Sprechstimme and Canon, and built strong bonds with my fellow choralists. My participation in Turandot, Les Miserables and Christmas-caroling concerts also enabled me to understand the quintessence of choral performances. These added to my knowledge of an accomplished choir, which I had, on several occasions, used successfully in my job as the coordinator of my school's choir. Choir has become an inseparable part of my life and I will cherish these memories forever.

i dont recommened this format....ur tryin to hard, just be straightforward

hmmm.. any tips on being straightforward? :(

getting rid of the conversation and replacing it with simple description. this is a 150 word elaboration of your activity, not a personal essay. keep it simple and show the point.

I see, thanks so much! :D

Do not use conversations for this essay, it wastes too many words. Describe what you do in this activity and then talk about what you learn. I think 1 para should be enough. You have to be concise and specific.:)

ok i get what you mean.. thanks!!!!

I have just revised my work and I was hoping if anyone could help me take a look at it... Thank you so much!

you should change the style and add more transitions...
instead of the I bla bla bla . I bla bla bla. I bla bla bla

um... change the style??

You need a clearer opening, that sums up what the activity is that you're writing about. With a short essay like this, it helps to use a "narrative hook", a sentence at the beginning, that will interest your readers. I thought your ending was stronger than your beginning. Try adding a sentence to the beginning that mirrors your last sentence.

Good luck!

:)

Thank you so much!!!

i agree with all of the comments above. this is probably the one time in the process to not be creative and to simply explain yourself.

ok i get it! thanks!! :DD

I think the latest revision is good.
Good luck:)

yay thanks!
good luck to you, too! :D