MIT International Transfer Essay "Why MIT?"

The full topic sound like "Please explain your reasons for wanting to attend MIT."

The word limit is 500. I just cant to fit all of my reasons for wanting to attend MIT.
Basically I would like to outline the main 3:

1) Research opportunities.
2) People at MIT. MIT community.
3) MIT is a challenge. I did not get in as an undergrad and I wanna try it again.

So here it goes (560 words):

I was always interested in Computer Science. In the beginning my driving force was the creation of games and other flashy but not really useful programs. Later I developed a real passion for programming and I decided what I want to do with my life: research Artificial Intelligence.

I believe currently research opportunities on that matter in Kazakhstan (my home country) are pretty bad. Naturally, I thought about studying abroad and my parents agreed to give me a chance. From what I had gathered Massachusetts Institute of Technology was the best place to learn and become proficient on the subject of Computer Science, including AI. By that time I had already known quite a lot about the university. I encountered different information about it in books, movies and even video games. Nearly every article in popular science magazines I read credited or referred to MIT scientists. I also made some special research and was amazed at the list of achievements of the MIT graduates. So in 2006 I applied, but my first attempt was not successful. Unfortunately, I failed to score high enough to meet the MIT requirements. I needed an improvement.

I applied for the "Bolashak" scholarship which is awarded to the most capable students in Kazakhstan to study abroad. Thanks to "Bolashak" I was admitted to Trinity College Dublin in 2008. The overall quality of education was higher than anything I have seen before. The lecturers tried to deliver the material in the most convenient way for students to understand. The tutorials were extremely helpful. But yet I felt like I did not realize my full potential here. I did not really have to study really hard to stay on top of the class. Additional problems include inflexible timetable and some of the courses offered.

I still did not completely bury my dream about studying in MIT. On the contrary, I developed a greater interest in MIT. It was due to the fact that I learned a lot about Computer Science in the last 2 years. Frankly, I learned quite a lot about Computer Science in MIT. "Being Digital" by Nicholas Negroponte was one of the key books during my first year in TCD. One of the huge first year projects on data visualization had to be done using only the Processing tool which is developed by MIT Media Lab. During the lectures, our professors at TCD often mentioned people or inventions of MIT. I watched some of MIT online lectures to get more information on the subjects I was interested in.

I tried to find out how the life in MIT looks like. I looked through the courses offered and was very happy with fact that I would love to learn 90% of them. I browsed MIT CSAIL, MIT MTL and MIT Media Lab websites. I read blogs and forums, watched videos, listened to podcasts and explored social networks to get to know what the spirit of MIT is. And I liked it. Professors seem to really care about students. Quite a lot of students described their lecturers as being funny and having great sense of humor. Students themselves are extremely intelligent and ambitious. I truly feel like I would learn from my peers as much as I would learn from my professors.

I am applying as a transfer student because I believe I belong to MIT.

Personally I feel like the last sentence is not strong enough. I do feel like I belong to MIT because I just like they stuff they do on their dorm videos. And I would probably like being dumbest person in the room surrounded be geniuses, it would motivate me study harder. I like the idea of being in a walking distance of some of the greatest minds humanity ever had. I love nerdy math\physics\computer jokes. I quite often make my own.

The idea of challenge is also kind of left unopened. I just cut it out because I am already exceeded the word limit.

And basically I am not really good at English and I want to check if I made some obvious mistake in grammar or style. Any suggestions what should I change are much appreciated. And do you think I really answered the question?

For nice writing style, keep the verb tense consistent:
...and I decided what I wanted to...----- even though you still "want," on that occason you wanted.

AI is an interesting choice of career! Do you think "intelligence" is an appropriate word when it actually is just a complex computer program? It seems that the complexity of computer programs could create personalities that are infinitely more complex than human personalities, but they still are not the same as intelligence. Or maybe it is?

Anyway, I am just making conversation, not suggesting that you need to tackle this question in your essay... although that would make it quite interesting!

Look below, sometimes less is more in writing:
I believe currently r Research opportunities on that matter in Kazakhstan... --- it's stronger this way, more confidant.

two instead of 2

I tried to find out how the life in MIT looks like about the culture and lifestyles available at MIT.

I agree that the last sentence is not strong. Try to develop it into a paragraph. A paragraph can express the full meaning of that topic sentence. That is what paragraphs are for! You write so well, I think you can do a good job of expressing this feeling of belonging there.

:-)

I would say in the second paragraph try and make it slightly more specific, name off some actual research you found that was interesting or mention the topic of some of the articles you enjoyed. Also in the third paragraph I would recomend cutting out the part about you not having to study hard and perhaps replace it with something along the lines of not providing you the challenge you need to succeed.