The moment I laid eyes on my surroundings in Bangladesh, it sparked something inside me. Taking in the poverty, amount of people on the streets, and the poor infrastructure, it truly made me think that I want to someday change the urban environment for the better and my people. This is what drove me to want to become a civil engineer so that I could learn on improving infrastructure, specifically structural things. Seeing the building not being structured toward the frequent flooding there and the unsafe designs of the building made me want to be able to improve those things so that people could have safe living and have faith in the structures protecting them. I knew that I could achieve those goals at Texas A&M University. It is one of the best schools for civil engineering, has an amazing campus and traditions. It was my top school that I wanted to attend and I want to be able to transfer there as I can see myself graduating there with my engineering degree.
My parents are immigrants that came here from Bangladesh and were able to work themselves up and became successful through hard work yet they did not go to high school or graduate from college here. Therefore I was the first one to go through American high school without guidance, doing what I though was right at the time. This whole background was my foundation to working hard throughout high school. I took almost every AP credit class and gained college credit in most of my classes, as I wanted to be as prepared for college as I could be. However I was not able to make into A&M for engineering, which absolutely crushed me and made me want to give up. I went through a period of time where I was just depressed about not making it in, always relenting on about what I could have done better in high school. That whole experience allowed me to grow more as person and have a completely different outlook on looking back in the past and life in general. I realized that people don't always succeed but it's what they do when they are faced with obstacle that they are able to reach as high as they want too. How they look at it as an opportunity in improvement in one's self and to most importantly keep you motivated. I developed a fire in me to work hard and give it my all-next year in order to transfer, and it is only after I studied and tried my best that I would be content with work ethic and myself.
I know that I can fulfill my full potential at Texas A&M and give it my all there to be successful in my major and for my family. I know that I can challenge myself at this institution and reach my career goals of becoming a civil engineer that can help improve our society here and later in other countries for the people of this world. I want to be able to attend the best university in Texas and where I was born in: Texas A&M at College station. Thank you for your time and consideration.
When you discuss the fact that you did not make it into A&M the first time you applied, don't make it all about your personal journey alone. Connect it to the dream that you had for a better infrastructure in India. Don't forget that your mentioned that as being the main purpose for your desire to become a civil engineer. It will be in your best interest to always connect back to that purpose because the prompt is asking you to discuss the purpose of your application alongside your academic background an experiences.
In the concluding paragraph, don't bring up the topic of your wishing to attend A&M again along with the reasons. Rather, strengthen the conclusion by discussing how you will continue to strive to achieve your aspiration for yourself because you want to help the country that your parents came from as a way of acknowledging your roots and giving back to the country that helped you come into being. That would be better than mentioning that you were born at the Texas A&M College Station. That doesn't have any bearing on your future as a civil engineer. Just focus on two things, the purpose of your interest in civil engineering and your desire to help India improve their infrastructure in the future. That way you can still use this essay for other college applications if you need to :-)
okay I revised to gear more towards my initial stated purpose
Definitely much better. It is actually the kind of essay that is short but sweet and direct to the point. However, the strength of the essay is threatened by the continued presence of the sentences relating to your failure to be admitted to the university previously. Honestly, that really doesn't have any proper place in this type of essay response so you should really just opt to skip that in the discussion. It doesn't really tie in with your current discussion so it is a part of the essay that you can omit.
Trust me, if you remove that reference in your essay, the whole essay will gel better and will be strengthened by the tight discussion that you will be presenting to the reviewer. Basically, your essay will have a better and deeper connection with the removal of the failure to enroll part because you have to "To explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline"
As you can see, you are expected to present yourself as a strong candidate for admission. The inclusion of your previous rejection will be something that negatively affects your application. The reviewer wants to know why you should be admitted. But then here you come with the failure to enroll story, thus proving that you are not fit to be a student at this university. So you need to work around that failure to enroll by finding a different academic reason to help polish your essay.
Thank you so much for your input!! What you said makes a lot of sense. I am just wondering on should I just focus on my Bangladesh statement pertaining to why i want to become a civil engineer. Or should I include something more such as another example or statement. Thank you.
The way that I see it, you can actually offer two examples in this essay. The first example, should be the way that you view the excellent infrastructure of the United States and how it has served as your role model for the way that urban cities should be developed. Then, move into the discussion of Bangladesh and how their infrastructure suffers by example. Depict how you plan to use the knowledge that you will be gaining in improving their infrastructure and creating new ideas that can help the industry move forward in the 21st century.
Be sure that the connection between your plans, be it in terms of internships, training, seminars, partnerships, or anything else, with the way that the university has structured its curriculum for its students. In any SOP, the most important aspect of the latter part of the essay is the explanation as to how the university you have chosen to enroll in will be able to assist you in attaining your goals and ambitions.
I'll probably be able to guide you more towards the proper content and structure of the essay after I see what your revision will look like. I hope I can read about it soon here :-)
As reviewer, I would immediately be drawn in by your discussion of the way that the infrastructure in the U.S. has been deteriorating over time and thus, has hampered the growth and developed of the country that was once a world leader.
Start off by discussing the trip you had to Bangladesh and then your realization that while the infrastructure of Bangladesh was in disarray, you could not help but be reminded of the way that the U.S. infrastructure is also deteriorating at a similar pace. Then, when you say that:
Here in the United States, I'm used to dependable and great infrastructure that I didn't realized the impact it brings to society and country. My life's goal became clear to me that I want to become a civil engineer to fulfill my dream and goal of contributing to society.
You can add that you do not want the United States to fall victim to the same infrastructure problems that countries like Bangladesh have. Make the essay all about wanting to first, help the United States improve itself. Since you come from an immigrant family, make sure that you refer to wanting to give back and take care of the country that gave you a chance at a better life. Second, refer to wishing to help Bangladesh as well after you have done your part in the United States. Focusing your ambitions on 2 achievable missions is better than referring to an international ambition that you know you cannot make happen in the future. Focus only on the doable aspects of your future dreams and plans :-)
