This is my first time write my essay here, please correct my essay if some problem and give some opinion, thank!
Sometimes, i just couldn`t help but wondering how many of us are pause and ponder the above seemingly question "Money or Health".Ever since the invention and advent of the item money from thousand years ago. The impending impact has utilized the ways of life of million. It is a catalyst the spur the brutal force that propelling the giant churning wheel of civilization. In along run, health is money. Money is not health. Without Health, we will not get money for longer than a one off stint in the spotlight. Many people said "Money can acquire any thing and even can paint the sky but not everything can use money to fullfill our desire especially our health. Nowaday, with ultra sophisticate of the infrustucture in the field of medicine has cured thousand of disease helping hundreds of people from the gate of death. Although it is a good news for us but when we come across the question"How much then we start thinking". Money or Health which one would you choose for?
It is a catalyst the spur the brutal force that propelling the giant churning wheel of civilization.
I am a little confused with this.
Maybe you can pay more attention on the relationship between money and health than on the long beginning of where money comes from.
It sounds like you are trying to hard and you made many grammatical errors.
Perhaps you could be more helpful by pointing such errors out since the author already acknowledges the presence of these mistakes.
Ever since the invention and advent of the item money from thousand years ago.
Back in the day people used to trade things. I would say that civilization at that time was already "churned".
Nowaday, with ultra sophisticate of the infrustucture in the field of medicine has cured thousand of disease helping hundreds of people from the gate of death. Although it is a good news for us but when we come across the question"How much then we start thinking". Money or Health which one would you choose for?
It is difficult for me to understand what you are trying to say here.
It is confuse right and i will do my best to correct it sorry and thanks. If you know how to fix my essay could you tell me?
Is this an admissions essay? If so, what does it have to do with you, as a candidate? If not, why have you put it in that category? Also, this seems less like an essay than an introductory paragraph. The topic seems like it might be one where you would take the time to explore the relationship between money and health. For instance, middle-class and wealthy people tend to be healthier than poor people. Better nutrition, careers that involve less physical labor, exposure to harmful chemicals, etc. Money is also very good to have if you need medical treatment, especially in the U.S. On the other hand, few people would be willing to inflict serious illness on themselves for any amount of money. Think about the topic more deeply, and see what you can come up with.
If you know how to fix my essay could you tell me?
It would help if you provided the prompt for this essay.
ok thanks i will follow your advice ,EF_Sean
can i start the paragraph with
More often then not, the paradoxical among universal never end by its own, not specific for ancients and yet an enigma for generation today. And so emerge the controversy among the importance of money and health, some persist money is more important while equal number of that think the other way. Ever since the invention and advent of the item money, it is still not uncommen to see the philosophers nowsaday controversy about that topic, through there be so much blood of them as was in those of the ancients.
wow, you are more more better than me. Thank for your paragraph it help me to improve my essay :D ,from parit buntar perak
